


What Would You Do If Real Love Could Kill You?

by Rose_Tinted_World



Category: South Park
Genre: 80's AU, 80's Music, Aged-Up Character(s), Bisexual Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman Being An Asshole, F/M, Gay Stan Marsh, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Violence, scared to fall in love, they're 18/ older, they're in high school
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:15:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 25,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24195751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rose_Tinted_World/pseuds/Rose_Tinted_World
Summary: The year was 1984, and all Kyle Broflovski wanted to do was go to some stupid party a few blocks down. Little did he know that party would turn his world into a hurricane of emotions for the next few years.
Relationships: Clyde Donovan/Bebe Stevens, Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak, Kenny McCormick/Bebe Stevens, Kenny McCormick/Leopold "Butters" Stotch, Kyle Broflovski/Stan Marsh
Comments: 43
Kudos: 72





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Kyle's friends Kenny and Butters invite him to a party down the street. All he wanted was to get a little tipsy and maybe flirt with a girl or two if he was lucky. He did not except what he got instead.

Kyle's POV

"Is this good enough?" I turned towards Kenny and Butters. I chose a pretty basic outfit for a party, just a white turtle neck and jeans.

Kenny eyed me up and down, "Eh" was all he said.

"Eh? What do you mean Eh? I don't look terrible" 

"I know, that's why I said 'Eh'" Kenny shrugged, Butters played with the hem of his shorts. I could tell he was politely waiting for us to just shut up and go.

"Whatever, it's better then your denim on denim look." I rolled my eyes and faced towards the mirror again, straightening out my clothes on last time.

Kenny shot up from where he was laying on the floor, "Last time I checked, Mister Sassy Pants, denim on denim was trending."

"Yeah? And since when was having holes in the ass of your pants a trend?" I cocked an eyebrow.

"You're just jealous of my ass, what's new?" 

Before I could respond on how insanely wrong he was he popped up from where he was on the floor and said, "Okay, Loli-Stotch, Gingerbread. Let's get our sweet asses over to that party!"

Kenny led the way to the party, talking about how he thought he saw Bebe Stevens on a playboy magazine. He kept claiming that her boobs looked exactly like one chicks and it couldn't not be her. Throughout this time Butters would stay quite as usual, he was never really too comfortable with conversations like this. I like to believe that he kept his innocence and doesn't know what we're talking about half the time. Whenever I ask if he never confirms or denies if he does. His is usual response is random questions like 'wanna go to the mall' or 'I heard there's a new movie coming out at the drive in I work at'. What I'm trying to say is that he is very good at dodging questions. As for me, I would usually get lost in thought during these conversations, waiting for something to distract us. Like how I'm doing now, I didn't even realize we arrived at the party.

Token Black's house is where most parties took place, most of them had a reason for happening such as birthdays, graduations, and end of school parties. However, on rare occasions Token's parents would go on business trips to Europe for a week or two. Which means the house had no rules, besides not being allowed to puke on carpets. 

Kenny inhaled, "I can smell the booze and boob sweat from out here!"

Butters and I gave Kenny a disgusted look. Butters shook his head and looked back at the house.

"Well fellas, let's go have some fun!" Butters clapped his hands together and rose up on his toes. We walked into the dim lit house, various Christmas lights hung around the ceiling. I hate to admit but, Kenny was right. It smelt like alcohol and sweat with a hint of smoke. Big In Japan by Alphaville was playing. I would nod my head to the tune from time to time while scanning the area.

There were people scurrying in and out of the kitchen with solo cups, one person I never expected to see walk out those doors was Wendy Testaburger. She walked out like she would in the school hallways, head held high and a smile on her face. The only difference this time was that her knees seemed weak and she wasn't as put together. Her headband was slipping towards the back of her head and her shirt looked wrinkled and sweaty. She was good at basically anything she put her mind to, I would not be surprised if she was the queen of partying too.

"Oh my god! Leopold!" She explained coming our direction, "You didn't tell me you were gonna be here! Wanna dance?"

Butters looked at us, asking if he could go. He knew he never had to ask but, he had a bad habit of it.

"Yeahhh! Get it Butter Stotch!" Kenny cupped his hands and yelled over the music. Wendy just laughed and took Butters hand, they disappeared into the make shift dance floor aka the living room. Leaving Kenny and I, Kenny put his hand on my shoulder and smirked at me.

"C'mon, say it" He nudged

I sighed, "Let's go get some fuckin' beer" He threw his hands up and howled in response.

About 3 hours had past since we got here and since then we have definitely added to the sweat and booze smell. I almost felt immune to the smell by now. Butters was out dancing with Wendy somewhere. I was currently sitting on the couch next to Kenny. He kept making eyes at Bebe from across the room, and she would not hesitate to respond.

"I think I'm gonna take her back to my place tonight, man." He said, not breaking eye contact with Bebe. I looked over at him and laughed a bit.

"Oh I'm sure that's her biggest fantasy. Is she gonna wake up with cat shit next to her face like the last girl?" I looked away from him and gazed around the room, laughing a bit to myself.

"That happened only once! And it was that damn cat's fault. Don't start getting all jealous that I can actually bring chicks home" He looked at me for a split second and then back at Bebe. I didn't respond after that.

He sighed, "What about that Heidi chick? She's cute, right?" I shrugged, she was pretty but didn't really pull my attention. No one ever really pulls my attention. No one has ever felt super intriguing, it was mostly just vanilla. It feels like all my life I've just had vanilla. If I'm being honest, I just feel accustom to vanilla now, it feels like life is just vanilla. It's simple and plain. And I can't change. I would see my other friends go on these exciting love roller coasters, their life becomes a whole world of flavors. It seems fun, like there's something new at every turn. I feel like I would barf if I went through anything that exciting. I realized I was just staring straight forward, I blinked a few times and looked back at Kenny. Jeez, he moves quick. Bebe was on his lap giggling at whatever he was saying. How the hell does he make it look so easy? He must've noticed I was looking at him because his attention turned towards me.

"Oh Kyle, my dear, dear friend. Mind if I head out with this lovely lady? We can catch up tomorrow?" He's not asking, he's trying to tell me he's leaving with her. I nod knowing he would go anyways. He helps her off the couch and they head out of the party. I stare off into space again, focusing on the songs they kept playing. They were pretty good. They played Love Is A Battlefield by Pat Benatar, Uptown Girl by Billy Joel, Stranger In Town by Toto, and Crocodile Rock by Elton John since Kenny left. They were currently playing Somebody's Watching Me by Rockwell. I nodded my head to the beat, my vision became a little blurry. All I could see was the lights blinking and changing colors and figures in the distance moving in attempts to drunkenly dance. All the lights started to stress out my eyes, The staring into space probably didn't help too much either. I closed my eyes and laid back in the couch. The lights still faintly showed their color though my eyes were closed. I made a game out of his guessing which color was glowing at the time. Until it went black.

I rubbed my eyes and blinked them open, thinking the power probably went out from all the lights. I fully opened my eyes to realize the power didn't go out like I thought it had. Actually, there was a guy? Wait yeah, I think a guy? Why the hell is he wearing makeup? His arms are crossed and he's looking down at me. I open my mouth to ask what the hell he's doing but he stops me and says-

"I saw you staring at me" He keeps looking back and forth at both my eyes. His eyes won't stay still but his body makes that up for him. He's like a stone wall, his stance is very closed in. He looks fragile in some ways. Or something close to it. He had black eye shadow on his eyelids with hints of dark blue. His under eyes had black on them that looked like it was fading away. His lips were black, his hair was teased up a bit with hairspray. The clothes he wore were both feminine and masculine. He had a lace black turtle neck that seemed to cling to him, black overalls that hung low from his shoulders, and plain dark gray boots. His ears were pierced with little black studs. He looked like-

"You're doing it again" He said, looking me up and down. He showed a hint of a smile.

"Oh, um, uh, I'm- Listen I-" I stumbled on my words. Never in my life have I seen a guy like this. Sure, goth kids here and there but they weren't...that was different. He was just-

"Still?" He smirked and laughed a bit. It almost seemed daring.

"Listen, um, guy- um dude. I was just, I zoned out okay? I wasn't staring-"

"You must zone out an awful lot then, huh? You've done it at least 5 times in the few minutes I've known you" He looked away and looked around the party.

"Sorry? Okay, I won't zone out in your direction again, okay? I swear I wasn't-" He cut me off.

"Wanna leave?" He looked back at me, "We can uh, we can have a lot more fun somewhere else then at a stupid party like this one"

"Why are you here if its such a stupid party?" I asked, looking him up and down.

He took a few steps forward and looked down at me, "Because, you never know who you're gonna meet." He winked at me. A guy, winked a me, and wasn't being ironic.

I sat there speechless so he continued, "And there's free beer and smokes," He looked down at his hands and interlocked them, "So, are you coming?"

Am I coming? With Him? Should I even dare?


	2. Black Lipstick Stains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyle makes a decision he thought he would never make in a million years

**Kyle's POV**

I blinked a few times. What was this guy thinking? Was he crazy? Did he want to kidnap me? Why would he just want to leave a party with a stranger? I don't even-

"Stan," He looked back up at me, "that's my name. I knew you were wondering...now are you coming?" 

Stan. So this Stan guy wanted to just ditch a party with me? Because I accidentally zoned out and stared at him? That makes no sense, I would never just leave with someone like just that. I should never, I know better than to do so. But for some damn reason I stood up, noticing we had a bit of a height difference. He was up to my shoulder, my gaze went down to him. I saw his cheeks turn light pink. He started to smile, the smile turned to a few chuckles. 

"You should take a picture to get your staring habit under control" He looked away. I smiled a bit and chuckled along. 

"Okay, okay, where do you plan on taking me?" I asked looking towards the door. I could sense his eyes on me.

"Wherever we can go, c'mon, let's not just stand here and look pretty" He headed towards the door and walked out, I followed a few steps behind. I looked out at the night and saw how clear it was. It was beautiful. I heard humming in front of me, I looked over in that direction to see Stan humming songs I didn't know the names of. It was soft, surprisingly soft considering his dark and semi mysterious exterior. His hands were in his pockets and he would shiver from time to time. 

"Do you go to South Park High?" I asked, stopping his humming. 

He turned to face me, walking backwards, "Do I?" 

Oh no, I hate it when people do this, "That's kind of what I'm asking" 

"Well, look out for me in the halls sometimes. Maybe you'll catch me." He continues to walk backwards, keeping our eye contact for a few minutes.

"Maybe you should turn around, you might trip or hit something" I suggest looking at the surroundings behind him. How could he be so careless about what comes next? He doesn't even seem excited by what elements of surprise it could bring. He just seems to accept it. It's like he doesn't care that random things can happen out of order at anytime. 

"Well then, Mr. Stranger," He held his hands out in front of him, "care to guide me?" 

I looked at his hands and then back at him. I kept walking looking at him, while he walked backwards. 

"Gonna get all shy on me now?" He dropped his arms and let them swing by his side. I just kept watching him walk, following him to where he was going. I couldn't explain why I was, or even if I wanted to. Something about it though just felt like it was suppose to happen. We were about to get to a crosswalk, he couldn't see if of course. 

"Hey um, Stan. Might wanna stop walking real quick" I suggested looking at the road behind him. It wasn't terribly busy. In fact, it wasn't busy at all. Just a car or two passing by every few minutes. 

"And why's that Mr-" his sentence was cut off by a beeping horn and the sound of tires trying to screech to a stop. The car was coming closer to Stan by the second, everything felt like it was going in slow motion. I saw his eyes fidget and look towards the car. His eyes widen, my heart dropped. I grabbed Stan as quickly as I could and pulled him out of the road. He landed against my chest. 

Suddenly everything felt like it was at a normal speed again. I held onto his shoulders and looked at him. He was trying to calm his breathing down. The car kept honking even after Stan was out of the road. Someone stuck their head out the window and yelled, "Hey, it's that damn kid again! No fucking wonder!" The car drove off. Stan just stared at the direction of the car. 

"It's Kyle, not Mr. Stranger," I looked at him, "Are you alright?" 

He looked back to face me and let out a sigh, "Never better...thank you." 

He looked around, checking if no one was around. I raised an eyebrow. He grabbed my shoulders and kissed my cheek. I jolted back. My eyes widened, why the hell would he do that? I've never been kissed by a guy before! What the hell?! I took a few steps back. It felt, weird, and warm. It made my cheeks hot and my stomach hurt. I didn't except it to hurt more when I saw his eyebrows crease and his lips drop into a frown. 

"Oh, oh shit. I, I thought. You know, I just thought we were on the same page." He scared for a split second. I took a few steps towards him and with each step the less he would look at me. When he didn't look at me it hurt, it shouldn't hurt. I barely know this guy but for some reason it just did. 

"So," I took his hands in mine, starting to get him walk backwards again, "where were we going again?" 

He looked up and smiled a bit at me. That same smile kissed my cheek a minute ago. And a part of me wished he would do it again. 


	3. Night Moves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ain't it funny how the night moves...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would highly suggest listening to Night Moves by Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band while reading this chapter :-) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJNfMSIEdQE

**Kyle's POV**

_"Look out your window at 1:18"_

That was the last thing he said to me before leaving my front porch. He looked up at the house and walked away, didn't even care to give me a formal goodbye. 

I was currently staring at my ceiling, wondering many things. Why such a specific time? Does it have a significant meaning to him? Would he even do anything? How would he know where my window was? God, he was confusing. 

Along with the questions bouncing around my head, I thought about the night we shared together. He took me to a park, specifically to a tire swing connected to a wide oak tree. He told me that this was his favorite spot at the park but never explained why. Stan sat himself on top of the swing and looked around the park. My eyes followed wherever he looked. There was a small basketball court, some monkey bars, a mari-go-round, and a sand box. He ranted about the stars and the future. Telling me that somehow history will keep repeating itself even if we know all the information on what not to do. He didn't seem to mean it in a negative way though, just a neutral thing. He elaborated on the stars too. He said that's where we could be. 

_"If we were the stars...we would still be here but we wouldn't. You know? So many of those stars we see are dead but, it doesn't stop us from seeing them. They still shine brightly as ever. A beautiful mystery in the nights sky. I believe we could become stars, I don't think anything ever truly just ups and leaves. Oh, imagine being a star..bursting at any second. Always shining no matter what. A beautiful, gorgeous mystery."_

I kept thinking of the way he said that. The way his exhaled and looked up at the sky. His eyes didn't show much emotion, just thought. It was almost like a mystery. 

_A beautiful, gorgeous mystery._

I glanced over at my clock and saw that it read 1:19. Shit, I was late for...well, whatever I was suppose to do at 1:18. My window was right next to my bed so I didn't have to move too much.I pulled back my curtains and opened up my window. The smell of mid fall breeze rushed into my nose. I looked down to the ground below me and saw nothing. Was he just fucking with my head? Just before thoughts flooded my head I saw a light come on. I looked up to see it was coming from a room in the house right behind mine. The backyards were short and close together and there was only a few feet away from the neighboring window. 

There was Stan. His head popped out the window, his eyes widened for a quick second before going back to normal. I noticed there wasn't any make up on his face. Just remains of it under his eyes. 

"Oh, you're here early." He blinked. 

"Not really, I came at 1:19. You're late though." I smiled a bit.

He smiled back, "Well, I thought you were gonna be late so I showed up at 1:20 instead. You seem like a 1:20 person." 

"What the hell is a 1:20 person?" 

"You know, I'm more of a 1:18 person, you're more of a 1:20 person. Unless you got some tricks up your sleeve proving me wrong" He sat on the ledge of his window, swinging his legs outside. 

"How am I suppose to have tricks up my sleeve when I don't even get what you're saying?" I put my elbows down on the ledge and leaned forward a bit. 

"You get what I'm saying, you just don't know you do yet." 

Before I could keep questioning he pulled out a CD player and sat it next to him. 

"Whoa! Aren't those new?" I looked over at the CD player. He had a Discman D-50, I didn't even know those things were out yet! I kept seeing commercials about it and filers at stores. 

He nodded, "Yep. My uncle's friend knew a guy. It's technically my sisters but...no one was here when the package arrived." He smirked. I nodded, he grabbed something from behind him. It was a CD. He put it into the D-50, pressed a few buttons, and let the magic start happening on it's own.

I watched him start to close his eyes and sway back and forth to the familiar tune. I nodded my head, I realize that it tends to be my go to move. I don't have much rhythm. Stan on the other hand looks like he was born with it. 

**_I was a little too tall,_ **

**_Could've used a few pounds,_ **

**_Tight pants points hardly reknown,_ **

I watched how peaceful he looked with his eyes closed. His shoulders relaxed and his breathing harmonized with the beat to the song. It was quite a sight. For a guy he was pretty, I have to admit. It's weird to think that'd ever be a thought in my mind though. Here we are now, I guess. 

**_She was a black haired beauty with big dark eyes,_ **

He opened his eyes and caught mine. Everything felt still, like the world stopped. Even if the world stopped he kept moving, never breaking eye contact. His smile was more toothy this time. He licked his chapped bottom lip and looked down. My chest hurt and my throat felt tight. Maybe something at that party made me sick, if my Ma found out she would kill me. 

**_And points all her own sitting way up high,_ **

**_Way up firm and high,_ **

"You know something, Kyle," He looked back up at me, "That was the least stupid party I've been to." 

"And why's that?" I breathed out. It sounded close enough to a whisper. 

"Because..." He looked at the sky.

**_Workin' on mysteries without any clues,_**

"I met you." He looked back towards me. 

**_Workin' on our night moves,_ **

We stared at each other for a few moments, those moments felt like hours. His eyes were like crystals, they were so blue and bright even in the dark night sky. They were like _stars_. 

"You must've been to some of the worlds most bland parties if meeting me is a highlight." I laughed it off. 

"I would have to disagree with you there. I've been to some bad ass parties. Most of which I don't even think you'd attend. I just never really...talked to anyone at them, I guess." 

"Then why would you talk to me?" 

"Well," He laughed, "Most of the time people don't stare at me for over 10 minutes, and if they do stare at all then they tend to do something about it." 

"Okay, for the last time I wasn't staring. I zoned out, completely different." 

"Sure, I totally believe you" His voice was heavily laced with sarcasm. I don't think he's ever gonna let the "staring" thing go. 

"What would they do?" I asked, remembering the last part of what he said. 

He stilled, then continued, "...Wouldn't you like to know?" 

"That's kind of why I asked." 

"Let's just say," He broke eye contact, "it was a little less conversation, a little more action." 

"Define action." 

"A thing done, an act,"He looked back at me, "Or the fact or process of doing something, typically to achieve an aim. That a good enough definition?"

I sighed, "I'm positive you knew what I meant when I said 'define action'" 

"Oh, I know what you meant." 

"Then tell me?" I asked

"...Maybe one day, if you're lucky enough." He reconnected our eye contact. 

**_Workin' on our night moves,_ **

**_Trying to lose the awkward teenage blues,_ **

**_Workin' on our night moves,_ **

**_In the summertime,_ **

"How did you know where my window was?" I finely decided to ask. 

"I don't know, ever just get that feeling in your gut?" When I nodded he continued, "That's what it was I guess. When I saw your house I got a glance of mine behind it so I just...yeah." 

"Yeah" I nodded again. 

We continued to stare at each other. Both of us looked like we were taking mental notes of these moments. Notes of how we both looked, how the sky shifted. I noted that Stan was wearing light grey sweat pants and a red sweater. I noted that he would look at my hands whenever he looked away from my eyes. I noted the way his toes would curl every time a cold breeze passed by. I noted how this song was on repeat for almost the entire time, it felt like we talked a lot more than we actually did. Maybe we had most of the conversation though our eyes. Like we just knew what the other was thinking. Stan looked back into my eyes. 

"This songs been on repeat for a while, huh?" He laughed.

"You read my mind," I chuckled a bit, "What time is it anyways?" 

He ducked his head back into his room, "3:56" 

"Good God! We've been up for that long?!"

"I guess so" He brought his head back out from the window, his eyes flew to mine like magnets. 

**_Ain't it funny how the night moves,_ **

**_When you just don't seem to have as much to lose,_ **

"I should um, head to bed now." I sighed. I wasn't tired but I knew Ma would wake me up at the ass crack of dawn for Sunday chores.

He just nodded. 

"Well, goodnight Stan. I guess I'll...see you around?" 

"You will," His body was half way back into his bedroom. He leaned onto the window frame and let his outside leg sway, "Night Kyle" 

And with that he took his D-50 and went into his bedroom, closing the window behind him. He looked at me before closing his curtains. I propped my elbows off from where I was leaning. He smiled and looked away, closing the curtains. I could still see his silhouette through the curtains until the lights dimmed. I sighed and closed my window, then fell back onto my bed. 

I couldn't get that damn song out of my head. Every thought I had seemed to be a lyric and each lyric had his eyes in it. His crystal eyes, his bright mysterious eyes. His _beautiful, gorgeous mystery eyes_. My stomach hurt, I've been feeling this way since the end of the party, I definitely got sick or something. I decided there was no point in getting sleep, my body felt too consumed with nerves to even bother. 

_**Strange how the night moves,** _

_**With autumn closing in.** _


	4. Chapter 4

**Kyle's POV**

The bell rang, meaning it was the end of the school day. It was Monday and I haven't spoken to Stan since Saturday, after our mini window hangout. I've been looking around the halls of the school every so often trying to see if he went here or not. So far, I've had no luck in seeing him. And if he dresses the way he was at the party everyday then I would definitely see him.

"And then he started crying, it was a crazy ass situation." Kenny walked up to my locker with Butters. 

I turned to him, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Well, hello to you to." When I looked at him I saw that he was a sporting a black eye. 

"Whoa man, who the hell gave you that?" I leaned my head forward a bit to get a good look at it. 

"Who the hell do you think? Clyde Donovan, damn bastard." Kenny laughed it off. 

"Did you know Bebe and Clyde were dating, Kyle? I sure as heck didn't!" Butters looked at Kenny's eye and frowned.

"I didn't know, actually. If I did I would've stopped your horny ass from sleeping with her." I closed my locker.

"Well, I'm glad you didn't. The tits were worth it, my friend. Clyde did end up finding out the next day and beat my ass though. It was kind of funny. Bebe was there to trying to tell him to stop, he punched me, kicked me in the baby maker then started crying." Kenny was wheezing at this point, Butters just looked uncomfortable. 

"Well, at least they look fine now." Butters pointed over to where Clyde and Bebe were standing, displaying a little too much public affection. Kenny and I nodded in agreement. 

"What happened with you and Wendy?" I asked Butters.

"Oh! It was fun, we ate some gummy snacks at the party and danced. I helped her home and stayed the night." He smiled.

"Ooo, staying the night? Butter Stotch, I truly never expected you t-" Kenny started but Butters cut him off. 

"Oh! No! No no no,no. Ken, it wasn't like that at all. Her parents were out of town for the day and she was feeling pretty sick after the party so I-" 

"Surrree, Butters." Kenny kept pushing, I could tell Butters was uncomfortable and embarrassed.

"Dude, lay off. Butters wouldn't just do that." I was use to being the peace maker. Kenny and Butters never fought, it was always more of a teasing situation. I know Kenny means well but he's not the best at understanding boundaries. And let me tell you, Butters has a lot of boundaries. 

"Anyways, what about you Kyle? Anything fun happen at the party?" Butters asked. 

Yes, a lot happened at the party and after it. I met dude in lipstick, he convinced me to leave the 'stupid party', he almost got hit by a car, took me to the park to talk about stars and shit, then gave me some bullshit time like 1:18 am to meet him outside my window so he could play Night Moves by Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band. Should I tell them about it? I mean they're my friends and I know if I told them to keep their mouths shut they would. Well, maybe Butters more that Kenny. And not to mention Stan, a guy, kissed me! Well, on the cheek. And for some reason I still hung out with him afterwards, and now I'm checking to see if he's somewhere in the halls. 

"Not much happened, just went home." I shrugged. 

Kenny sighed, "Classic Kyle. You need to get some adventure in your life man." 

"What if we all went to the roller rink on Friday?" Butters suggested. Wow, has my life been that dull that going to the roller rink is an adventure? 

I agreed to go and so did Kenny. They both went off to some after school club, I was gonna drive home. Before I went to leave I went to the bathroom. I hated urinals so much. They were always gross and had various yellow colored pee stains, sometimes brown. It was disgusting, I don't get how people can use them without wanting to vomit. I went into the stalls. There was always the occasional banter in the bathrooms. I would hear people debate and talk about which girl they'd take out. I was use to hearing things like that, something I wasn't use to hearing was- 

_"Hey faggot, thought someone would've told you this is the guys bathroom."_ Oh good God, don't tell me that was Eric Cartman. His voice was so distinct, he sounded like a 800 pound retired wrestler who was chocking on syrup and stale bread. God, what a fucking moron. 

_"Last time I checked my pants, I was a guy so why don't you buzz off?"_ I'm assuming that was the guy Cartman was picking on fighting back, he sounded a bit familiar. 

_"Hey, I don't appreciate a mouthy lady. Now get the fuck out."_ God, Cartman was a creep. 

_"Why don't you stop being such a sexist pig and mind your own fucking business."_

_"Even if you_ _weren't a chick you're still a fag. No one wants you in here staring at there junk wishing it was in your mouth."_

_"That's disgusting, people come in here to pee and shit. Why would I want that in a bathroom?"_ Whoever this familiar voice was he sounded like he dealt with Cartman before. I was hoping they'd wrap it up soon so I could leave. 

_"You didn't deny you were a fag."_ After Cartman said that it was quiet for a moment. I couldn't even see what was going on but I definitely felt the tension. I hated it when the tension ended. I heard this guy get beat up, it made me feel sick. I felt awful for not being able to do much. I knew if I went and defended that guy out there then all those things he's being called would be put on my back. And if I'm being honest, I just can't handle that. 

_"Next time, just stay out of the guys room you fucking fairy."_ I heard Cartman's fat ass footsteps leave the bathroom. I looked at my watch and knew there was most likely not gonna be anymore people coming to the bathroom around this time. I debated walking out, was the guy still there? When heard some sobs from outside the stall it answered my question. Oh shit, I suck ass at helping with any emotional stuff so what could I do? I felt like an asshole for even thinking about waiting till the guy left to leave the stall. I heard the sobs quickly stop, the guy only cried out a few. I heard some water running. Was he okay now? I looked down at my watch again, if I wasn't home soon my Ma would throw a fit. I decided to walk out the stall. I saw the guy- holy fuck it was Stan. He quickly turned to look at me, he looked like a deer in the head lights. 

His face softened up a bit, "Well if it isn't Kyle." He smiled, he was definitely trying to seem like nothing just happened. 

"Holy shit, Stan." I looked him up and down. He wore a similar black outfit like from the night I met him. His face looked a little red and his nose was bloody. That looked to be like most of the injuries, they seemed minor but were injuries none the less. I felt so so so, and I cannot stress this enough, so bad that I didn't help him out now. 

"Don't sweat it, you should've um, seen the other guy." He wasn't keeping eye contact, he was looking anywhere else that wasn't me. It stung a bit. 

"I, I was in the stalls...the other guy is um, a shitbag." 

"Oh," He nodded, "I, yeah...he is, isn't he?" He looked back up at me 

"I'm s-" 

"Please don't, I understand. Just, drop it," He wiped his nose and looked at the blood on his finger, "Fat bastard can't even punch anyways. He has terrible form..just weighs a ton.." 

"Let me drive you home." 

Okay, now most the time I spoke it always went through my brain at least 3 times. Once to know what to say, second to correct it if it seems a little off, and third to fix it if it sounded too mean or harsh. I never usually just speak before thinking but, something about Stan just made me word vomit. And I am definitely not use to word vomit. 

Stan's cheeks pinked, "Well, who am I to deny a kind offer." 

We stared at each other for a second, then smiled and headed out to my car. 


	5. Skating In The Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lately, Kyle hasn't been able to keep his distance from Stan...

**Kyle's POV**

After driving Stan home on Monday we kind of made a habit of it. We would meet at the front doors and walk to my car, mostly in silence. Our car rides were mostly silent too. Sometimes in between songs I would either ask him a question about his day, which he would then dodge by pointing out random things on the side of the road.

I just dropped him off at his house, it was Friday. He nodded at me and grinned, sort of his quick way of thanking me. I would always stop and wait to see if he had his keys or a way to get into the house, something I'm pretty sure I picked up from my Ma. When he safely made it inside I drove around the corner to my house. My parents were at work and my little brother was downstairs playing games with his friends. I decided now would be a good time to take a nap before going to the roller rink with Kenny and Butter's.

Whelp, that decision totally backfired. I woke up around three hours later being beaten by a pillow. 

"Wake up! Wake Up! Wake upppp!" Kenny would hit me with every word, in response I just groaned. 

"C'mon Kyle! We wanna get there before it gets super busy!" Butters chimed in. 

"Yeah, and I got an interview! So get your ass out of bed!" Kenny hit me, again. 

I sighed and sat up, "An interview at the roller rink? So are you not even gonna be hanging out with us?"   
  


"No, I am. Just gonna get interviewed for about half an hour, then I'm skating with you guys." 

"C'mon, fellas! Time won't stop for us!" Butters raised his voice a bit. I sat up and straightened out my clothes a bit. Then I put on some cologne and my shoes, grabbed my wallet and keys and headed to the roller rink with Kenny and Butters. 

"Well boys, wish me luck." Kenny walked away from us and went to his interview. Leaving Butters and I sitting near the snack bar. We were tying up our skates, Butters finished before me. 

"I'm gonna go order a soda real quick, you want anything to drink?" Butters asked. 

I shook my head, "Nah, I'm good. Thanks for the offer though." He nodded and skated over to get his drink while I finished up tying my skates and listened to whatever music they were playing. Doing my signature dance move, the head nod. After a song had past Butters skated back over to the table and put down his drink. 

"Ready?" He asked, I nodded. We skated to the rink and went around a few times. I saw some familiar faces, like Wendy, Token, Clyde and Bebe, and Craig. Wendy and Token looked to be having discussion about school, something they're both very passionate about. Clyde and Bebe were too busy eating each others faces to even realize they were even in public. Craig worked here, and he definitely looked like he hated it. Stan was sitting in the corner looking like he was- wait holy shit Stan's here! 

"Guess who starts on Tuesday!" Kenny skated up to us from behind, grabbing both Butters and I by our shoulders. 

"You?" I raised an eyebrow.

"It's me!!!" He screamed, Butters turned to hug him. 

"Yes! I'm so proud of you Kenny!" Butters smiled and laughed. 

"Good job, man!" I smiled with them and gave Kenny a pat on the back. 

"Thanks! Now, let's celebrate and have some fun. Someone come help me pay at the snack bar." Kenny clapped his hands together

Butters offered to go off with him, I told them I had to go to the bathroom. We skated away from each other, they went to the snack bar while I skated over to the 'bathroom'. 

"Hey, Stan." I smiled and looked down at him.

He looked up at me and returned the smile, "We just keep meeting, don't we?" 

"I guess so," I sat down next to him, "So what brings you here? Just skating around or.." 

"Well, I was suppose to meet someone. but..." 

"But?" 

He sighed, "But, they haven't shown up yet. It's been an hour." 

"I'm sorry to hear that." I frowned. 

"Don't be. I mean, at least you're here now. Guess everything happens for a reason." 

I just nodded in response. Whenever we shared silence it was never empty, it felt comfortable in a way. The room got darker and the lights got softer as they changed the song to Careless Whisper by Wham!. I heard laughing beside me, I looked over and saw that Stan trying to hold in laughs. 

"What's so funny." I asked.

"Nothing I just-" He stopped and covered his mouth to try and stifle more laughs. 

"What?" I laughed a little with him. 

"They're doing couples skating and just, well.." He pointed to a couple stumbling over their skates while trying to kiss, "They just look so.."

We both started laughing uncontrollably, covering our mouth's and looking at each other. 

"God, that is hilarious." I wiped under my eyes and let a few more chuckles out. 

Stan's laughed died down into a simple smile, he looked over at me. 

I smiled back, "I would have to ask my friends but, wanna maybe...leave?" 

"Hmm, and why should I do that?" He raised an eyebrow 

"Well, because...I don't know. We could go watch a movie or something." I shrugged, my cheeks felt hot. 

His face softened as he nodded. 

"Okay, let me go tell my friends that I gotta go." I got up and skated to Kenny and Butters, telling them I had to leave early. They were bummed out for a bit, Kenny blamed it on my Ma claiming that 'she shouldn't be giving me a curfew cause I'm eighteen'. I shrugged it off, I knew my Ma was over protective but it was because she truly wanted the best for me. I returned my skates and went back over to Stan, I noticed that he didn't even buy a pair of skates. We left and got in the car. 

"My place or yours?" He asked, I thought about it. 

"Um, how about yours?" I asked, feeling rude for not offering my own house. I knew Ma would wake up to the sound of the damn keys unlocking the door. To her knowledge, I'm just going to the roller rink then staying the night at Butters. I glanced over at Stan while I was driving and he seemed fine with it. 

"I could drive by and get us Burger King before hand?" I offered. 

"That sounds good" He replied. I went and got us both two large chocolate shake, three large fries, and some chicken strips. I drove to his house and parked on the curb of the street. I grabbed our fries and chicken strips while he carried the shakes. He unlocked the door and led us to the basement. He nodded to a couch with a small round coffee table in front of it, I put the food on the coffee table next to where he put our shakes. He fell back on the couch and looked up at me. 

"What time is it?" He asked.

I looked at my watch, "Damn! It's already 10 o' clock! Time flies, huh?" 

He nodded, "It was a date." 

"What?" My eyes widened, where the hell did that come from? 

"The..when no one met me at the roller rink. It was suppose to be a date. I guess I understand why they wouldn't come but it still.." He sighed and got up from the couch to walk to a shelf of movies. 

"I'm sorry dude, she must've-" 

He cut me off, "We have Halloween, Alice In Wonderland, Jaws, Alien, The Outsiders..." 

"Um, how about Jaws?" I watched him put the movie in and start it, he made his way back to the couch and grabbed some fries.

"Stan.." I started, "I'm sorry some chick ditched you, you seem really cool from what I know and-" 

He cut me off, again, "Kyle," He shook his head and laughed a bit, "it wasn't a girl..." 

What? Oh. Oh, my jaw slowly dropped. I mean, I kind of had a feeling but, I never wanted to assume anything. It wasn't a bad thing just, a very...touchy subject. A confusing subject. 

"If you wanna leave you can, I won't blame you." He kept eating his fries, never taking his eyes off the movie. 

"What?! No, I don't wanna leave...It's just..so you actually like, other guys?" 

He turned to his body to face me, sitting with his legs crossed. When he nodded, my face went red. So, he confirmed it..he likes guys. 

"Well...he's a dickhead for standing you up like that." I picked a chicken strip and started eating it. He started to smile. God, his smile made me want to throw up. Not in a bad way though! In a way of like, it makes me so happy to see him happy. I know I've only known him for a few days but there's just something that makes me feel all warm and bubbly when I'm around him. 

We both turned back to the movie for about fifteen minutes, until I felt arms go around my neck. Stan was hugging onto me tightly, it took me a second to respond back. I hugged onto his waist and we sat there for what felt like hours. Maybe it was hours, Stan has the effect to make time fly. 

Stan pulled back a bit and looked at me. His face was red, but I knew mine was too. 

"You're one of the first to never leave..after..." He sighed and smiled at me. As I found myself staring at his lips I started to smile too. For some reason I felt so nervous, I felt like I was smiling like a crazy person. Maybe I was crazy because the more I stared at his lips, the closer they got to mine. 

"I see you haven't gotten rid of your staring habit.." He whispered. He was so close, I could feel his breath on my lips. I felt him hold on tighter to my shoulders. I felt my body take over as I tightened my hug around his waist. 

I leaned in more, our lips were barely grazing each other's. I was so confused. I never felt this way towards a guy. I didn't even know what I was feeling. Everything felt so strange and new but, something also felt right. Like it made sense but it didn't stop me from feeling scared. I was so so scared that this made sense. I quickly loosened my hold on him and leaned back. He let go of me and leaned back just as quickly.

"I-I'm sorry, I shouldn't-" Stan started to freak out, his face turned sickly pale. 

"Hey, no. No, it's not- you did nothing wrong I just.." I leaned my head back and looked at the ceiling. 

"...Are you scared?" When I nodded and closed my eyes he continued, "Well, I can help you out...I know. I know how to help. I was scared too...but I'm not scared anymore." 

I gave the slightest smiled and nodded, "Okay.." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading! All the reads, comments, and kudos are so so appreciated! If you have any suggestions let me know! <3 ~ S


	6. Road To Discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyle learns to let his heart do most of the talking

**Kyle's POV**

A week. I haven't seen or spoken to Stan in a _week_. He didn't even come to school! Was I pissed? Yes. Was I worried? Also, yes. Was I a bit paranoid that he stopped talking to me because of our um, 'kiss' that wasn't really a kiss, even though that's an irrational thought because he's into guys. Absolutely yes. What if I wasn't the kind of guy he was into? Why would that bother me in the first place? God, this whole week as been a confusing mess. I felt like I was constantly being stared at. I barely talked to Kenny and Butters through out the week. 

"Kyle! Dinner's ready!" 

I groaned, "Coming, Ma!" 

I walked downstairs and went to the dining room. My little brother, Ike, was already sitting down next to my father who was reading the newspaper. Ma set all of our plates down and as she did each of us thanked her. While we ate she ranted about television shows she watched throughout the day, then about the importance of school, and then about how she hates some new lady at my dad's work. Ike would pitch into the conversation every so often, talking about games him and his friends would play and characters he created. My dad never spoke much at dinner, he was too busy doing what you're suppose to do at dinner, and that was eating. I was the same way. I was about halfway done with my plate until I heard the doorbell ring. 

"I'll get it." My Ma stood up from the table and walked out of the dining room to answer the door. I gave a long sigh when she left the room. I loved my Ma but, she was quiet tiresome. 

"Me too, son." My dad chuckled a bit, we all started laughing. 

"Kyle! C'mere bubbeh!" I heard my Ma yell, I got up and started walking to the front door. 

"What is it, Ma?!" I yelled back. 

"You have a um, some one's here to see you." She stepped out of the door frame to reveal Stan. He wore a long, way over sized, faded jean jacket with a just as large grey sweater and what looked to be black leggings. To top it all off he had huge round black glasses, with his signature black lips of course. 

"Stan?" 

"We have a school project, remember?" He looked over to my Ma then back to me, "I was gonna ask if you wanted to come over and work on it, you're welcome to stay the night." 

"I, oh..yeah, okay. Ma, can I go?" I looked over to her. 

She raised an eyebrow, "I don't know, bubbeh. You haven't finished dinner and..." She looked over at Stan with judging eyes. 

"Ma, please? It's super important. If we don't finish it this weekend then I could..fail the class! Please?" 

She kept staring at Stan, she was never afraid to speak her mind, even if her mind was rude. I was scared she would say something that would hurt Stan's feelings or scare him off. 

"I guess...it's fine. Go get your things.." She glanced at me for a second then looked back towards Stan. 

I rushed upstairs to grab my things. Wow, I'm actually surprised she said yes. I'm surprised that even happened! I'm a terrible liar! I was impressed with myself, if I'm being honest. I grabbed some boxers, an outfit for tomorrow, my tooth brush, and some deodorant. I knew I was forgetting some things but I couldn't worry about that right now. I fast walked back downstairs.

"And be responsible, if my bubbeh-" 

I cut my Ma off, "Okay, let's head out and get started." 

"Kyle, be safe. If you feel uncomfortable or anything just give us a call and we'll pick you up." 

"Ma, I can drive...I'm pretty sure I'll be driving us to his house. Right, Stan?" He nodded in response.

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow. Be careful!" 

I walked out to my car with Stan. He sighed and leaned back into his seat. I backed out of the driveway and started to drive to his house. 

"Could you drive to the park?" He asked.

I sighed and turned to start driving to the park. 

"A _week_ , Stan. You haven't talked to me in a fucking _week_." I tightened my grip on the wheel. 

"I know" 

"I haven't _seen_ you, in a god damn _week_." 

"I know, I know." He sighed

"Do you have- no, you don't. I was so fucking worried! And pissed! Jesus, Stan I was pissed. And I still am!" 

"I know, Kyle.." 

"After that night? After all the- the thing that happened! You said you'd help me!" 

"I was." He talked fast. 

"No you fucking weren't! You just didn't show up! At all! Were you hiding from me? I felt awful!" 

"I'm sorry you felt awful but, trust me. I was helping." 

I parked on the curb next to the park, "Care to explain how then?" 

He paused for a minute, "I can't tell you." 

"Why the fuck not?" 

"Because if I did you'd be taking steps backwards instead of forward." 

I turned to look at him, "And how do you know that?" 

"I just, I know, okay? You'd regress instead of progress." He tilted his head towards me. 

"Try me." 

He sighed and faced forward, "I got death threats on Sunday..." 

I felt every single emotion fade into complete shock. Death threats? 

"For...For what?" I tried to swallow but my mouth was too dry. 

"What do you think?" He spat out that sentence like venom. 

Oh, shit. He got death threats from someone because he..likes guys. I watched him get out of the car and walk to the tire swing in the back of the park, the same one we went to the night we met. It took me over a minute to finally turn off my car and walk over to him. He sat on the top of the tire swing, his heels were tucked in on the inside tire. His face was pressed against the rope of the swing. 

"So...who-" 

"Someone from school. A few people actually." He turned his head towards me. 

"Do they...know? Or just..assume.." 

"They know. I never really..hid it well, I guess," He looked down, "So, did you take some steps back or..." 

"I- I don't really think so? If anything I'm just really worried about you." I admitted. 

"Well, I've been worried about you. You do know I would've loved to come to school just for a car ride with you, right?" He gave me a small smile. 

"Now I do." I smiled back. 

"Enough about me, let's talk about you." 

"Okay, well...I don't know? I don't talk about myself often." I blushed. I noticed he unhooked his heels from inside the tire swing and attempted to swing his legs back and forth. His attempt failed so I decided to push him, before I did I looked around the park. No one was here and it looked like the sun was starting to set. I continued on and pushed him. 

"Just, don't think about what you're gonna say...let your heart speak for you." 

I nodded, "Okay, um..I'm confused. I feel super confused. I like girls, I know I like girls. I find a lot of girls hot and cute and sweet...but, I think somewhere deep inside I liked..guys. Like growing up I would blush at men's underwear ads or at certain actors in movies.." 

"What actors?" He pushed his glasses up and looked down at me as I pushed him on the tire swing.

"Um, actors like Clint Eastwood and Micheal Douglas.." I my face warm up. 

"Huh, interesting. I was more of a Tim Curry guy myself. I knew how I felt about guys before him but damn, when I saw him in fishnets and corsets I just about fell head over heels.." He laughed. 

I laughed with him, "Ha, yeah. None of those actors really made me feel anything though. It wasn't until very recently that I just..felt pulled I guess? Towards a guy.." 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah," I nodded, "Maybe it's the fact that he's such a mystery or the way he talks or how... I don't know what it is.." I knew my face was red. 

"Do you like this guy?" He raised an eyebrow.

"I think so, he makes me feel..different. I get this new exciting feeling when I'm with him..but, I also feel like it's too early to tell. I'm just super confused.." 

"Confused how?" 

I sighed, "I mean, how could I like this guy but still like girls at the same time? Shouldn't I just like, pick one side and stick with it?" 

"It's alright to like both guy's and girl's, Kyle. No one is pressuring you to choose sides or anything. If you like both genders it's usually called being bisexual but, there's no need to put a label to it if you don't wanna." He smiled. 

"Bisexual?" 

He nodded, "Yep, or you could call yourself whatever you like. Up to you." 

I nodded back. 

He continued, "So, this guy?" 

"Oh, um, yeah.." 

"Can I take a guess at who this 'mysterious' guy is?" He asked. 

"Um? I guess so?" If I'm being honest, I couldn't remember much of what I ranted about. Maybe I let a few things slip. I did as he told me and let my heart speak for itself, my brain kind of tuned out throughout most of it. Now my brain was back in the game, fighting my heart for dominance. 

"Is it me?" He smirked.

I let out a choppy breath and nodded. He laughed, much to my concern. I watched as he hopped off the tire swing. 

"That's good news to me then, care to know why?"

"Why?" I felt myself tense up. 

"Cause, I like you too," He grinned, "Wanna go to a drive in? Like, right now?" 

"Right now?"   
  
  


"Yeah, right now. It shouldn't be super busy. We can find out the times and wait for the next showing of whatever they're playing." 

"That actually sounds... pretty fun." I smiled, he smiled back. 

We headed back to my car and drove off to the drive in. The next show time they had was at 11:45 pm, they were showing Footloose. A movie Stan and I both have already seen but still agreed on watching it. While we waited for the time to pass we listened to whatever music would play on the radio. The both of us would occasionally pitch in to give our opinion on any song, analyze it, and then tell each other what we thought the true meaning behind it was. Sometime, throughout all this Stan's round sunglasses ended up on top of my head and his jean jacket was laying on the floor of my car and as a replacement he wore my forest green windbreaker jacket. Eventually, it was 11:45. I drove into a spot near the back, even though there wasn't very many people there. The movie had started and Stan and I kept whispering to each other. Continuing our mindless conversations and analysis from earlier.

It was about thirty minutes into the movie when Stan held my hand. My heart left like it was going as fast as lightening. I held his hand back. His palm was soft but his finger tips were slightly rough. I felt chills go up my arm when he gently squeezed my hand. My brain always found a way to push itself front and center, always beating my heart. For the first time today, my heart won a battle. All my actions were done through my heart, and when my heart did the talking everything felt right. So I thought I'd let my heart talk some more. 

"Hey, Stan?" I leaned towards his ear, whispering. 

"Yeah, Kyle?" He whispered back, slightly tilting his head towards mine. 

"How do you um, kiss..a um, guy?" I asked

He gave me a soft chuckle and whispered back, "The same way you kiss a girl, a pair of lips is still a pair of lips no matter what gender it's on." 

"If that's the case," I took a breath in through my nose, "Could I kiss you?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the positive feedback! It means so much! :-) ~ S <3


	7. A Step Forward

**Stan's POV**

_"Could I kiss you?"_

I felt my breath hitch. The way he said it was so timid yet, so calm with hints of excitement. Could he kiss me? Yes, absolutely yes. He's the first guy I've met to actually ask that question. Most of the time it just happened, there wasn't a build up. It was usually with some older overly horny drunk guy or a guy looking for a one night stand. It's never had a build up. Yet this has been so, dare I say, romantic. It felt romantic at least. The way he was leaning near me, how we weren't exactly face to face but had our cheeks tilted against each others. The movie playing, the way the stars danced around the sky. And our hands, his hands were so, so warm in mine. 

"Maybe we should..go somewhere else for that?" I suggested, "I mean, we could go now. Didn't you say you've seen this movie?" 

He nodded, "Yeah, so um. Your place or like, wherever?" 

"My place works fine.." 

He nodded again and leaned back up. He was still holding my hand left hand with his right . It must've been his dominate hand, he hasn't let go of my hand yet and was failing miserably at trying to turn his car on with his left hand. His body was twisting and turning in all sorts of weird ways just to get the key to the ignition. I started laughing. Not because he looked funny all twisted and turned, not at all. It was because it was so damn cute that he didn't wanna let go of my hand, I didn't really want him to either.

"It's okay to let go of my hand for a second, ya know?" I laughed out. I knew if I didn't tell him to let go that he would end up looking like a human pretzel. 

He stopped for a moment, "I knew that," His face flushed as he responded. 

He slowly let go of my hand. He started the car with ease this time, no twists or turns. I rested my hands on my knees and looked out the window. I kept thinking about how he described me. 'Mysterious' or something. I wasn't mysterious, not at all. To be completely honest, I was an open book. I never had a problem with sharing my opinions on things or telling people about myself, I guess that's what get's me into so many problems. However, there's only about two things I'm hesitant to fully open up about: my sexuality and some negative results that come with it. I rarely had to open up about it though, people never really asked about it. They assumed, unfortunately 

I'm not the most 'macho' man out there. I use to do football, I quit when I was pretty young though. I'm about 5'6, my legs are short and my shoulders are small compared to most. Since I was wasn't huge so it made me an easier target, and the more I grew and expressed myself, the more assumptions were made. Rumors would fly around the school so quickly. I never talked to anyone at school, I never really even did much in school anyways. 

"Stan?" Kyle asked.

I hummed and looked towards him, he was drumming his fingers on the steering wheel as he drove. 

"So um, wanna maybe? I dunno, never mind, it's stupid." He huffed and kept driving. I stared at his hands, his right one was moving much more than his left. 

"Hold my hand again?" I held out my left hand, he intertwined our fingers, "You know I'm a lefty, so this works." I laughed.

He laughed too, "Nice, I'm well, a righty." 

"I assumed so."   
  


We sat in comfortable silence the rest of the way until we parked at my house. This time he let go of my hand and took out his keys. We sat for a few more moments in car. 

"So?" I smiled at him. I waited for him to get out first. I wanted everything to be at his pace, I wanted him to feel safe and happy. This was his first kiss with a guy after all, I wanted to make it- well..a way better experience than my first kiss. 

"Oh!" He hopped out of the car, I laughed it off and turned to open the car door. It was already open. I looked up and saw that Kyle was holding it open, panting nervously. I stood up out of the car and turned to face him. 

"You didn't have to do that." I closed the door and started walking towards the front of the house. 

He followed, "Oh, last time I was with a girl she would wait, and wait, and wait until I went and opened her door so I just assumed..I dunno. I'm new to this." 

I unlocked the house and led us inside. We headed straight to the basement. I sat on the couch, he followed. 

"Relax.." I put a hand on his shoulder. 

He nodded as his eyes shifted towards my lips. I grinned. 

"So, what'll it be like?" He asked, not breaking his gaze at my lips. 

"Well, that depends. You may like my kisses, or hate them," I shrugged, "Just, when you're ready." 

"Okay, when I'm ready..um, should I hold you um, anywhere? God, I'm making this so awkward." He squeezed his eyes shut and let out a frustrated sigh. 

"You kind of are," I laughed, "But, if it makes you feel better I think it's cute..." 

He opened his eyes back up and looked at me, his cheeks red. 

"Hands, waist, face or shoulders." I answered, he slowly took hold of my hands. I closed my eyes. 

After waiting a few moments I felt it: his lips. It was sweet and simple, we kept our mouths shut and didn't pull apart for about a minute. When he did I expected to talk about it with him, instead he leaned back in for another kiss. One hand held my cheek while the other stayed connected to my hand. I rested my my free hand on Kyle's shoulder. We opened our mouths two times. His lips were so warm, everything about him was warm. He slowly inched away from my lips and sighed. I took it as a cue to open my eyes. 

We stared at each other, smiling. My chest felt light but my throat felt tight. It was probably- no, was the best kiss I've gotten in my 18 years life. It was calming, it was relaxed. Nothing about it was forced or overly sexual. It was sweet. It was bliss. 

"Was it nice?" I asked. He just stared at me, his eyes searched mine until they landed back on my lips.

He began to grin, "Wha, um, can we do that again?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this seemed like a bit of a short chapter! Next one will be longer I promise! Also, it's May 26th so happy birthday Kyle! He got a kiss from Stan on his his b day aww :-)   
> ( even though it's around mid November in this fic lol )   
> Thank you all for reading, it means so much to me!   
> I've been considering writing a Stick of Truth based fic so let me know if you'd be interested in that! ~ S <3


	8. A Winter Garden Theme

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyle is a part of the homecoming committee. He thought the 1984 homecoming would be there only dance he would have to plan but, plans change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!!!

**Kyle's POV**

It was the Tuesday after Stan and I's 'study' session. We ended up kissing, verging close to a make out session. We drifted off to sleep holding hands whilst having short and sweet conversations. I found out he has a love for the guitar, animals, and super old music. He found out that I basically bathe in school work and that I like pasta. I thought I was going to be overly anxious about the whole situation but, as it turns out, I was surprisingly calm. I definitely wanted something like that night again, maybe even something more? I just had to get a hold of Stan first, I plan on trying to after a homecoming committee meeting. 

"Ready to head to the gym, Kyle?" Butters smiled, I nodded. We walked to the gym and found that the rest of the committee was already there. I sighed, I was hoping to have a bit of quiet time before the whole committee came. You see, I wasn't actually interested in this whole homecoming decorating thingy, coming up with themes and what not was kind of annoying. I honestly just wanted more things to put onto my college applications. Bebe, Tweek, Heidi, Token, Nichole, Bradley, and Wendy, the ring leader of it all, turned to Butter's and I with a smile. 

"Welcome, boys! We just started talking about some new ideas for this years homecoming!" Wendy chimed. 

"Oh boy! Is it gonna be the Winter Garden theme again? That one is always a crowd favorite." Butters cheered as we took our seats. 

"Well, kind of. Bebe suggested a red rose theme." Wendy nodded towards Bebe, who was pulling at the gum in her mouth. _Gross_. 

"It'll be so romantic! Maybe even a little saucy too~" Bebe winked. 

"Well, what about a heavenly theme? Like clouds and different shades of blue all over the place." Heidi suggested. 

Wendy nodded, "While I like both suggestions I just feel like we can do even better! Any more thoughts?" 

Token spoke up, "What if we tried the Winter Garden theme again? Like Butters said, it's usually a crowd favorite."

Wendy nodded, "I do always love that one for homecoming, so it's settled. I loved everyone's suggestions! Hopefully, we can use them for prom! Homecoming has always had the Winter Garden theme, and I would hate to break tradition." 

She assigned us roles, Tweek, Bradley, and Butters were in charge of foods and drinks, conveniently so considering Tweek's parents own a coffee shop. Heidi and Bebe had decorations and design planning. Token and I were in charge of playlist and flyers. And Wendy, she would be doing it all, helping each group in any task needed. 

Right after the meeting ended I headed straight home. As I parked in the driveway, I noticed my mother's car wasn't there. My usual first thought would be, 'oh maybe she's out getting groceries'. That thought however, was replaced with a name: Stan. I turned off my car and got out, my feet already guiding me to Stan's house around the corner. 

I knocked on the door four times then waited patiently. Stan opened the door, thankfully. I haven't met his parents yet, to be honest I don't know if I was ready to either. I wasn't the most comfortable with meeting people's parents, I can't explain why either. It just makes me nervous. 

"Hi" I smiled, wiping my palms on my jeans. 

"Hey there, don't just stand there come on in." He nodded towards the inside of his house. When I stepped inside he started to lead me upstairs to his room. I realized that haven't been to his room yet. As we walked upstairs I noticed some of his old family and baby pictures. I smiled noticing how cheerful and outgoing he seemed in these pictures. I also noticed that in almost all these picture he wore a red poof ball hat, guess he grew out of it when he got older. 

Before I knew it, we were in his room. I noticed he had a liking towards Elton John, The Velvet Underground, and Jimi Hendrix. He had posters of them and various other bands I didn't know existed gathered around his room. I noticed he liked reading as well, on his bookshelf he had tons of Edgar Allen Poe. He sat on his bed, it was messily made. I looked down at him, okay Kyle, don't make this weird. 

"Um, we almost, um..made out? Last time?" Jesus, I'm as smooth as a porcupine on sandpaper. 

He laughed, "We did, didn't we?" 

"Yeah so, maybe? I dunno.." 

"I'll wait." He laid down and closed his eyes. Holy, and I cannot stress this enough, shit. 

I walked over to the edge of the bed, he looked so calm. God, I wish I could be as calm as him. Every time I went to kiss him I felt like I was going up on the highest roller coaster to ever exist. I leaned forward, slowly but surely making the gap between our lips smaller. When I kissed him all the nerves flew off my body, being replaced with confidence.The roller coaster I was on was now going at full speed, and I was definitely having fun for the rest of the ride. I felt his hands touch the back of my neck as he deepened the kiss. While I stood, I rested my hands on both sides of his torso. We kissed like this for about a minute until I felt him drag me onto the bed. I was on top of him. He started to massage my biceps and shoulders, that's when the make out session started. I kept my hands on his side, supporting myself slightly off his body. Every so often I would hold his waist or brush his hair out of his face. 

It lasted for what felt like hours, though in reality it was probably roughly 15 minutes. He had his hands on my chest, eyes closed and panting. I rolled off of him and sat against the headboard. 

He broke the silence, letting out a sigh, "Damn, Kyle...at least take me out to dinner first." 

"Oh...sorry." I intertwined my fingers. 

"I'm kidding," He laughed, "Though maybe one day we can go out for dinner. Pasta? I know that's your favorite." 

"It is my favorite..you remembered." I smiled.

He sat up and faced me, "Why wouldn't I?" 

"I dunno, it's just a stupid fun fact about me, I guess. Not all that important.." I shrugged. 

"Well, I just so happen to think that every part of you in important, even if it's just the fact that you like pasta." 

We smiled at each other for a few moments. 

"So," He broke the silence again, "How was your day?" 

I shrugged, "It was just like any other day at school. I had a homecoming committee meeting, I'm on music and flyer duty." 

"Oh jeez, I hate homecoming. No offense." He laid his head on my thigh. 

"None taken, I'm not too big about it either. Just wanted more things to put on college applications." 

"Let me guess, they're doing the classic Winter Garden theme?" He rolled his eyes

"Yep, it's the same one-'" 

"Every freaking year." We said in unison. He looked up at me, smiling. 

"Oh god, you've been around me too long now. We're starting to finish each other's sentences." He chuckled. 

I laughed back, "Oh, whatever. I could never be around you too long." He nodded in response. 

"So, you going?" He raised an eyebrow. 

"To the dance? Oh, well yeah. Kind of helped put it together so I have to make sure everything goes right. You?" 

"Nope." 

"Why?" I asked.

He gave me a look, "What do you mean why? So I can go there and have over half the student body mock me? Thanks but, no thanks." 

"I'll make sure they won't mock you.." I ran my fingers through his hair. 

"Kyle, that's sweet but just- that's not..." He sighed, "I'm not going to the dance. It makes me uncomfortable and just, I wouldn't be able to have an..actual dance. And if I tried then..."

I nodded, "Have you ever been to dance?" 

He shook his head no. 

"Well, would you ever like to go to one?" 

He hesitated, then nodded his head yes. 

I continued to brush my fingers through his hair as I wondered...

_Maybe I can bring the dance to him?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OoOoOO, Kyle's starting to fall more and moreee~ 
> 
> Thank you all for reading! Also, HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!!!! Hope everyone has a happy pride, and know that in order to have this month/pride parades that a group of strong, amazing, beautiful black trans women fought for it! #blacklivesmatter 
> 
> Remember to always love each other and spread joy and help other's in anyway you can. ~S <3


	9. Put Your Head On My Shoulder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can only hold back your true feelings for so long...

**Kyle's POV**

"Bro-what-ski?" Stan laughed.

"Broflovski. See that's why I rarely tell people my last name, be glad that you're an exception." I huffed, he laughed some more. 

Stan and I have known each other for about a month now. We naturally became a part of each other's routine's, always finding a place to put one another in our schedules simply just to talk. I enjoyed talking to Stan, it made me feel at ease. 

Currently, we were star gazing in the park, laying down next to where the tire swing hung. We laid our heads on Stan's spread out jacket, he got cold so I gave him mine to wear. Our knees would bump every so often as we talked, our hands tracing the others. The conversations were sweet, just random questions like our favorite seasons and subjects. I liked that part of the conversation, all the way up till he asked for my last name. God, I hated how no one could pronounce it! It's not even that hard, seriously! 

"Bro...flov..ski?" He raised an eyebrow. 

"Yep," I popped the 'P', "Damn it, this is why I rarely tell people my last name." 

"Aw, c'mon~ At least it's kinda cute, and rare sounding." He smiled towards me. 

"Yeah, well, it's a pain in the ass to explain every time." 

"Hey, at least it's unique," He shrugged, "You could be stuck with something plain and boring, like Marsh." 

"Marsh? That's not really that boring. I'd prefer a name like Marsh." I looked towards him. 

"Then wanna change last name's? I'd much rather prefer Broflo...vski." He giggled out the last part. 

"Stan Broflovski?" I raised an eyebrow. 

"Yep, and Kyle Marsh." He nodded.

"Well, it's got a nice ring to it, I guess." 

"Yeah, I guess. While we're at it may as well change lives." 

I knew he was joking, but even the idea of that even happening scared me shitless, "Oh _hell_ no. Stan, no." 

"Why not? Scared I won't be able to live up to the oh so perfect life of one Kyle Broflovski?" He smirked. 

"Nope, you won't be able to deal with my mother." I sighed. 

"And why not?" 

"Well, she means well but she is...very..very, um, extremely overprotective. Like, for example, right now she thinks I'm at my friend Kenny's house to stay the night. And the only reason she's letting me 'stay at Kenny's house' is because she thinks my other friend Leo is there too. And she only likes Leo because he's good influence. And the only reason she thinks he's a good influence is because his parents are super strict on like, _everything._ " I huffed. 

"Holy fuck.." 

"Yeah..." I agreed.

He gave out a stressful laugh, "Meanwhile, my dad's drunk thinking I'm out getting drunk, high, and having sex. He even _encourages_ it." 

"What?!" 

"Yeah! And my mom hates him for it! He tries to offer me beers or ask if I'm 'getting around', I think that's his failed attempt of trying to be a 'cool' parent. It's kinda annoying, but kinda funny I guess. My parents even have divorce papers that older than I am." He rolled his eyes. 

"Wow." 

"Yeah, let's not trade parents...but, I do like the sound of our last name changes." 

"Yeah, they do have nice rings to it." I agreed.

We looked back up at the stars. I don't think I'll ever be able to look at a star again without thinking about Stan. And that's a good thing. Ever since we met my world has just felt brighter, no other person has ever been able to do that. No friends, or family, or girlfriends! No one. I have no idea what Stan and I were, maybe this was a relationship? Maybe we were just friends, and he was helping me with whatever confusion I'm going through. Maybe we were both just short passages in each other's lives. I don't know, all I know is that he made me feel alive. 

I didn't want to put a label to this. If we put a label it could make everything so much worse. I hated label's, I hated how they defined people and restricted them to mostly just one thing. I hated how something as simple as label's could impact an entire person's life. 

Stan held my hand, "Favorite color?" 

"Green." I held his hand back.

He nodded, "Blue, black, red, and purple." 

"Nice, " I nodded, "Hey Stan?" 

"Yeah?" He leaned his head on my shoulder. 

"Um, do you miss school? It's been about, what? Two weeks?" I brushed my thumb over his. 

"Do I miss school? No, not at all. My mom is actually trying to find something out with homeschooling, which is pointless because I'm a senior. I think I'm just gonna drop out." 

"Why? What about college? And your future?" I squeezed his hand. 

"Kyle, I wasn't gonna go to college anyways. I never did anything at school but, school never really did much for me either." 

"But-" 

"Kyle, college isn't for everyone. Don't worry about me too much, okay?" 

"Don't worry about you?" I laughed out, "Stan, all I do is worry about you. I worry if you're okay, if you slept well, if you got any recent threats, and your future and- just, bottom line is that I worry, okay? I worry about you a lot because I care about you a lot.." 

He stared at me, his eyes already told me how grateful he was, "Kyle Broflovski, you're too good for me." He smiled, and said mine name right. 

I grinned, "Well, Stan Marsh, I think you're _way_ too good for me." 

He hummed and hugged my waist. I laid with one hand behind my head, the other rubbing Stan's back. 

"So, how's that whole homecoming thing going?" He asked.

"Well, it's..going, I guess." I shrugged. 

I didn't care about that homecoming. I cared about Stan's very own personal homecoming, created by yours truly. He didn't know about it yet, I don't even know when I planned on telling him. Next weekend was the actual homecoming. I was planning on attending that one for the whole time but, if there's anything Stan has taught me, it's that plans change. I decided to ditch the school's senior homecoming completely. Sure, I was still going to help with the committee but, I wasn't going to attend. I'm sure that all the rest of the committee, especially Wendy, would make sure that everything sails smoothly. 

"It's going? You got yourself a hot date or~?" He moved his head and rested his chin on my shoulder.

"No, actually. I've never had a date." 

"Never had a date?!" He sat up, "You're kidding." 

"Nope, every girlfriend either broke up with me before or I just was single that year. I asked a girl once but, she was taken by that bastard Eric Cartman." I groaned.

He groaned with me, "Oh god, ew. How can an ugly shitbag like him get a date, but somehow as hot as you can't?" 

"Hot?" I sat up with him now, "You think? Me?" 

"Yep, I think you're hot. Girls are just too picky these days, they're probably intimidated by all your hotness." He smirked. 

"Oh, stop." I could feel my face burning up. 

"Never~" He chuckled, lightly kissing my jaw, "So, you going solo again this year?" 

Thank you Stan for giving me the most perfect segue, "Actually, I have someone I wanted to ask, hopefully they'll say yes." 

"Oh, um..who?" He looked over my shoulder, dodging eye contact. He was probably assuming it was some girl from school. 

"Well," I put my hand on his cheek, "I was hoping I could go with you." 

He looked at me, stress stretching across his face, "Kyle, look I'd love to but I told you I'm not-" 

I cut him off, "To our own homecoming..." 

He stilled for a second, "What? What do you mean our own homecoming?" 

"I mean, you said you weren't going to homecoming..well, neither am I. Maybe, we can just go do our own thing together and have our own little homecoming? Any music we want, any foods, and whatever theme or no theme. We could maybe even have it in your basement? I dunno, I just thought...since you told me you never been to a dance I just, maybe I could bring the dance to you and we can make the night..special." I smiled. 

He stared at me with a blank expression, his jaw slightly dropped. He looked at me like that for a few moments until he closed his eyes, tears leaked out. His jaw tightened. 

"Shit, no Stan I didn't mean to make you cry! I'm sorry, fuck um-" Panic quickly built up inside me until he rested a comforting hand on my shoulder and opened his eyes. 

He quickly wiped his tears away, "Sorry, I don't like getting too emotional. I just..no one's ever done something like this for me before, let alone even thought of it." 

"Well," I smiled and brushed his hair back, "You deserve it." 

He rested his forehead on mine and closed his eyes again, his lips curling up into a soft grin. 

"So, is that a yes?" I asked.

He laughed, "Yes, it's a yes.." 

We hugged each other, our faces resting comfortably in the other's shoulder. I rubbed his back, appreciating every millisecond of this moment. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading! It means so so much! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I'm currently working on Stick of Truth fic! If you have any suggestions let me know! Have an awesome day and love each other!!! ~ S <3


	10. Your Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyle and Stan have their own personal homecoming :-)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: mentions of sexual abuse/ non consensual actions and suicidal thoughts

**Stan's POV**

Tonight was the night. It was the first time I've actually 'dressed up' in a while. I just had on a navy blue button up dress shirt and a pair red wine colored dress pants held up by a black belt. I didn't own any dress shoes but I don't think Kyle would mind. Instead I just wore black socks, we didn't plan on leaving the house so I might as well be comfortable. It'd be better for me if I was comfortable. I didn't expect to be as nervous as I am now, I felt like I was about to throw up. 

My eyes kept darting at the clock and back to the mirror. I put just a little bit of gel in my hair and put on some cologne. I hope I don't smell like shit, I know this sounds weird but, Kyle always smells so fucking nice! He smells like oranges and mint. I know I probably smell like booze and dog shit and I'm hoping tonight I can live up to his orange and mint scent. 

God, please let tonight be awesome. I mean, it should be. It'll be just Kyle and I hanging out, my parents are out of the house for the weekend for their anniversary, I put together a mix-tape for tonight, and Kyle's bringing food. I couldn't help but smile at just the idea of it. 

Kyle is the only guy who's treated me this way, it made me feel special. I feel like I'm falling every time I'm around him. He's gentle and takes his time, nothing like guys I've been with before.

The first guy I had a bit of a relationship with never told me his first name, he just went by 'Stone'. He was taller than me, extremely tan and muscular while I was just a semi scrawny 15 year old at the time. He never told me he was 27 until the last day we um, 'hung out', I guess. It was never much of a relationship. As months went by I realized that, it wasn't something out of love. It was a gross, fucked up situation. 

The second guy I was involved with was about 4 years older than me and my height. I only bonded with him when he was high, sometimes I would get high with him. I regretted it every time after. The last thing he told me was 'you're a pussy'. A lot of the relationships in between were very similar. Still don't think they're considered as actual relationships.

I remember my last one so clearly, it was a few months ago right before my birthday. I was 17 at the time. I met him behind the roller rink, his name was Matthew. We found each other crying on opposite sides of the trash bin. He asked me why I was crying, I just told him I felt unlovable. He never told me why he was crying. He kissed me, took me to his car. I told him I didn't want to do anything, we ended up doing something anyways. I cried after and smoked with him. He looked me dead in the eyes and confirmed to me that I was unlovable and left. I cried more. That night I contemplated killing myself. I felt alone and confused. I felt like a freak. I never fully went through with it, obviously. 

A few weeks after my birthday I met Kyle at the party, and the world has just seemed so much brighter since then. 

I checked the clock, he was 10 minutes late. It made me worry a bit, my anxiety started to get the best of me and I started thinking about the worst scenarios. All my nerves were calmed when I heard the doorbell rang. I answered the door and Kyle was there, looking handsome as ever holding a bag of Chinese food. 

His face was turning red, "Um, hi..you look amazing.." 

"Well you look amazing-er." I smiled, I wanted to say so much more. 

"Amazing-er isn't a word." He smiled. 

I grabbed his hand and pulled him inside, "I know that, I'm just messing around~" 

He laughed, I closed the door. I led him to the kitchen so he could set our food down. 

"I'm sorry I'm a bit late, the food wasn't ready on time." He played with the cuff of his sleeve. 

"It's fine, don't worry about it." I smiled, holding his hand. 

He smiled back, "You seriously look amazing.." 

"You do too, even amazing-er." I laughed and hugged onto his waist.

He hugged my shoulders, "Again, not a word. So, where are your parents?" 

"They're out of town for the weekend for their anniversary. It's more of them just wanting to leave town, I bet they're not even staying in the same hotel." 

He nodded, probably not knowing how to respond. 

"But, since they're gone nothing is stopping me from doing," I kissed him, "that anywhere in the house tonight." 

He leaned down and kissed me again, "Yeah? Well, that makes me happy. Wanna eat our food?" 

I nodded. We grabbed two plates and got our food. We ate the table, sitting next to each other. I lit a candle and turned off the lights, the sunset was helping the candle light up the room. 

"Green looks really good on you." And I was telling the truth. He was wearing a white button up dress shirt with a forest green vest and matching colored pants and tie, he looked so mature and handsome. I put my head on his shoulder, his arm wrapped around me. I felt so safe. 

"Thanks, I like navy blue on you." He kissed the top of my head. I think he was getting a lot more comfortable. It made me so incredibly happy for him. 

"So, wanna dance?" 

He hugged me tighter for a second, "I thought you'd never ask." 

We stood up and headed down to my basement. I had to move it around a little bit before this, I moved back the couch and the table. I turned on the Christmas lights I set up around the basements ceiling and turned off the regular lights. I put in the mix-tape I made and started to dance around with Kyle. 

Songs kept shuffling and we would sing along to every single one. Well, almost every single one. When Kyle didn't know a song he would attempt to mouth the lyrics and fail miserably. I loved it though, it made me smile. 

Somebody's Watching Me by Rockwell started to play and Kyle's eyes lit up. 

"This is the song that played when I first met you at the party!" He held onto my hands. 

"Wow, kind of a fitting, huh? Did you ever get that staring problem under control?" I smirked. I was ready to hear the usual answer which was him claiming he never stared but, instead he surprised me.

"You know what, I don't think I have. Because lately..I just kind of find myself staring at you," He paused for a second, "That sounded so creepy out loud." 

I laughed, "Not really, it's kind of cute. Besides, I find myself staring at you too. So I guess we're both creepy, huh?" 

He just smiled and nodded. 

We continued to sing together to the songs. We sang The Bitch Is Back by Elton John, I'm Waiting For The Man by The Velvet Underground, and What's Up by 4 Non Blondes. I figured out how big of a Micheal Jackson fan he was when the song Beat It came on. We danced and jumped around. 

The jumping stopped when Your Song by Elton John came on. Kyle took my hands and smiled, I returned the smile. He pulled me close and hugged the space between my waist and my hips. I hugged his shoulders. The mood shifted into something nearly magical as we began to slow dance.

_**It's a little bit funny, this feelin' inside** _

_**I'm not one of those who can easily hide.** _

_**I don't have much money, but boy, if I did** _

_**I'd buy a big house where e both would live** _

He rested his chin on my head while I hid my face in his shoulder. I closed my eyes and continued to listen to the lyrics, continuing to sway to the beat of the song with Kyle. 

_**If I was a sculptor, but then again, no** _

_**Or a man who makes potions in a travelin' show** _

_**Oh, I know it's not much, but it's the best I can do** _

_**My gift is my song and this one's for you** _

Kyle started to pull back, I was confused as to why. Anxiety began to bubble up in my chest, I thought I was gonna get left behind. Kyle, the master of proving me wrong so far, kept his right hand connected to my left and spun me around. He pulled me back to his chest and kissed my forehead. 

"And two days ago you told me you couldn't dance." I grinned. 

"I can't, all I did was spin you. You did most the work, Stan." He held me closer. My grin just grew wider in response. 

**_And you can tell everybody this is your song_ **

**_It may be quite simple but now that it's done_ **

**_I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind_ **

**_That I put down in words_ **

**_How wonderful life is while you're in the world_ **

Our foreheads rested against each others. Though our closeness made my vision blurry I could still see his eyes clear as day. I don't think I'll ever be able to get the color of his eyes out of my head, and I was thankful for that. 

_**I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss** _

_**Well, a few of verses, well, they've got me quite cross** _

_**But the sun's been quite kind while I wrote this song** _

_**It's for people like you that keep it turned on** _

We both closed our eyes, I rested my hands on his cheeks. 

**_So excuse me forgettin', but these things I do_ **

**_You see, I've forgotten if they're green_ **

He brushed his hand against my cheek, he kept his other wrapped around my waist. 

_**Or they're blue** _

I opened my eyes, making eye contact with him. 

_**Anyway, the thing is, what I really mean** _

_**Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen** _

I felt a tear leave my eye involuntarily, Kyle kissed it away. I will say it a thousand times again, he makes me feel so so special. We started to hum the song together.

_**And you can tell everybody this is your song** _

_**It may be quite simple but now that it's done** _

_**I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind** _

_**That I put down in words** _

_**How wonderful life is while you're in the world** _

_**I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind** _

_**That I put down in words** _

Together we sang, "How wonderful life is while you're in the world~" We laughed, then kissed. 

"That was so cheesy, sorry." He shook his head and smiled. 

"I just so happen to like cheese, so no need to apologize." I kissed his cheek. 

"So, did you enjoy your first dance?" He asked. 

"I wouldn't of had it any other way, ya know." I hugged him tighter, "Thank you, Kyle." 

He rubbed my back, "No, thank you..." 

We stood their hugging each other in comforting silence. 

"What time is it?" I decided to ask.   
  
  


He lifted his hand from my waist and checked his watch from over my shoulder, "Um, 12:50" 

I looked over my shoulder to look at his watch, "It says 12:47, I knew you were more of a 1:20 person instead of a 1:18." 

He sighed then laughed, "This again, Stan? Really?" 

I poked his chest, "Yes, really. Wanna go up to my room?" 

"Oh, sure." He nodded. 

We headed up to bedroom. I closed the door even though I knew no one was home, it was more of a personal thing. Kyle was staying the night, it made me nervous but I knew I could trust him. 

"Shit, I knew I fucking forgot something." Kyle groaned. 

"What?" I sat on my bed, unbuttoning the top buttons of my shirt. 

"My pajama's, I can't go back and get them because Ma would force me to stay at the house." He sighed. 

"Oh, I can just give you a shirt." I took off my dress shirt and tossed it behind me on the bed. I felt Kyle's eyes on me, I knew it wasn't it a creepy way though. I got up and grabbed him a baggy sweater. I tossed it his way, he thanked me. I took off my pants and socks, replacing them with loose fitting pajama pants and an equally loose tank top. I climbed in bed and laid on my back. Kyle sat on the edge of the bed in his boxers and my sweater. 

"Are you gonna lay down?" I asked. 

"Oh, I didn't know if you wanted me to or not." He shrugged. 

"Of course I do, now c'mon." I lifted up the covers, he laid down next to me. 

I turned towards him and smiled, he did the same. Our conversation flew from one topic to the other. I found out that we both like The Velvet Underground and strawberry milk. He shared with me his hatred for urinals and the color yellow. He expressed how much he wants to succeed in school but feels so nervous to do so nearly all the time. He told me he was ready for it all to be over because school defined him too much as a person. He also told me he wanted to be a science major and how he wanted to work for NASA but, his parents wanted him to be a lawyer. 

In turn I told him about my past 'relationships' from 'Stone' all the way to Matthew. I told him about my thoughts of suicide before I met him, and let him know how happy I was to be alive and have him in my life. I also told him my favorite movie was The Rocky Horror Picture Show and that my favorite flower was a marigold to try and lighten the mood. I don't know if it worked because he just cuddled me, his arms wrapped around me like a warm, comforting shield to protect me from the world. I wanted to protect him just as much, I laid my head against his chest and listened to his heart beat. 

"Kyle, I..." I sighed. 

He hugged me tighter, "Yeah?" 

"I...I just, I care about you so much.." I hope he knew what I meant. 

He put his head in my shoulder and nodded, "I care about you so much too, Stan.." 

I closed my eyes and began to doze off, the last thing I heard him say that night was: 

_"Stan, **please** know..how wonderful life is that you're in the world." _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you all enjoyed this chapter! it may have been a bit cheesy but who doesn't love a little cheesseeee lol. thank you all so much for the comments and kudos they mean so much! hope you all have an awesome day! ~ S :-)


	11. 12:00 A.M.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenny the party animal is a bit too nosy. . .

**Kyle's POV**

"C'mon, man! I'm not risking being late to another fucking party because of your slow ass." Kenny groaned, flopping back on my bed. 

Kenny and I were in my room getting ready to go to another one of Token's huge parties. This party was especially important to Kenny due to the fact that it was New Year's Eve. Each year Kenny would try to find some 'drunk enough to be fun but sober enough to consent' chick. It was almost religious for him. 

"Okay, okay! Jesus, it's only 9 o'clock Kenny! You have plenty of time to get a girl before midnight." I sighed. 

"Yeah, I know. I could get a chick at like, 11:55 if I wanted. I've got that kinda charm," He winked and laughed, then smirked, "You on the other hand, we need to get you a girl. . .that is unless you man up and tell me about this mystery chick you've been ditching your buddies for.~" 

I groaned, "Kenny, for the last fucking time, there isn't some 'mystery chick'. I've been having to help my family out some more, Ike's been struggling with some classes. It's this fun thing called being responsible, you should definitely try it sometime." 

He responded back with laughter. 

Kenny has been bothering me for the past two weeks because he thinks I'm dating some girl behind everyone's back. He's lucky my mother hasn't picked up the house phone during our conversations, I would never hear the end of it if my Ma thought I was keeping a secret girlfriend from her. Even though I kept telling him that I wasn't dating anyone or had a 'mystery chick' as he likes to call it, he would never believe me. It pissed me off because, well, I was telling the truth! I wasn't dating anyone! All I've been doing is hanging out with Stan. I thought it would be in my best interest to try and keep Stan and I's time together on the down low, just in case anyone thinks we look 'funny', as Stan's dad would put it according to Stan. 

"Are you ready now, princess? Or do you need to put on some eyeliner first." Kenny joked, I ignored him and continued buttoning up my shirt. 

_Eyeliner._ Jesus, I missed Stan. Even eyeliner made me think of him. He hasn't worn any in a while, along with the black lipstick. It honestly made me very happy, it just meant that I could see his natural features even more each time we hung out. I haven't seen Stan since our personal homecoming, and it killed me that I haven't. It was so cruel of the universe to let me cuddle him to bed one day and then keep him away from me for almost 4 weeks the next. I told him the morning after our homecoming that I would be very busy with Hanukkah stuff for a while. In return, he told me that him and his parents were going to be visiting his family down in Florida for Christmas so we probably wouldn't able to see each other until New Year's Eve. I told him I would try to visit him if he were back by then, unfortunately, I had to ditch those plans due to Kenny's suspicions. Kenny saying and I quote, 'If you don't come to this party man, you're obviously banging some chick behind my back. Is it Bebe? Dude, no shame in sharing as long as she's cool with it too.' It's funny to think that one of my most emotionally mature friends is also one of the most immature people I've met. 

"Um, hello~ Earth to Kyle?" Kenny flicked my forehead. 

I flinched, "Ow, bitch." I then laughed, he laughed along. 

"Okay, let's go get Butter's and get drunk off our asses!" Kenny cheered. 

We walked out of my house, got in the car, and started to make our way to Butter's house. 

"Kyle, you know you can tell me anything, right man? We're almost like brothers." Kenny rested his feet against the dashboard. 

"I know, same goes for you." I glanced at him briefly, trying to still keep my eyes on the road. 

"Then why don't you tell me about this mystery chick?" Kenny smirked. 

I pulled into Butter's driveway, ignoring Kenny's comment. Butter's walked over to the car and got in. 

"Heya, fellas! Ready to go have some fun!' Butter's grinned from the backseat. 

"Hell yeah!" Kenny turned to face Butter's from the passenger seat and smiled, they quickly started a conversation. As usual, I would zone them out while driving. 

I parked my car on the street in front of Token's house, the place was already packed and it was only 9:35! We made our way inside, the music shook my eardrums. Kenny linked arms with Butter's and I, dragging us straight towards the alcohol. Kenny poured us each a cup of Rum and Coke, Kenny downing it his life depended on it. Butter's finished his cup within a few minutes and started taking small sips of his second. I stayed with my usual routine of holding the cup until the party was nearly over, then I'd have a few sips if everyone was sobered up enough by then. Being the responsible friend was a pain the ass sometimes. 

"Nope, you're not pulling that stunt this time, Broflovski. We're gonna party our way into 1985!" Kenny laughed, already finishing his second drink. 

"Kyle, I promise it's not that bad. You don't gotta if you don't wanna, of course! I'm just saying that it'll all be okay, you don't gotta worry about us." Butters smiled, patting my shoulder. 

"Yeah, man. You can't be a helicopter mom over us all the time, we're fine! You need to just. . .do something because you wanna do it. Let loose, relax." Kenny leaned into my shoulder, making his third drink. 

Ugh, I hated the fact that he was right. 

_You need to just. . .do something because you wanna do it._

I wanted to do so many things and not give a shit about the consequences, this seemed to be a decent enough start. So I decided, fuck it. I'm gonna party my way into 1985!

I chugged the drink, putting the empty cup back on the table with grace, "Hit me with another one, man." 

Kenny and Butters cheered, pouring me another drink. As the night continued we drank and partied like it was our life line. Kenny was able to find some girl named Roxie, who's clothing resembled a prostitute and Kenny seemed overjoyed with it. Roxie partied along side us, Butter's started a rant about how happy he was to have all of us in his life, including Roxie. I found myself laughing at random. My head felt light but I was aware of everything that was going on, I was almost like one of Kenny's party girls: 'drunk enough to be fun but sober enough to consent.' 

I checked my watch, it was already around 10:40. I mindlessly walked around the house, bumping into strangers along the way. The music was too loud so there was no use in even muttering an apology. I made my way to the living room, where they were watching the The Times Square Ball Drop. I plopped down in a cold fold out chair behind one of the couches, squinting to try and see the television screen in the overly crowded room. I wasn't able to. I sighed in defeat, leaning back in my chair and scanning the room. I saw Bebe drunkenly flash her boobs, Wendy and Token were flirting on the couch, Cartman was being a dick to everyone as always. There were so many teenagers here that I didn't know, they all looked so free. It was almost poetic in a way, _almost._ I felt the alcohol slowly seep out of my body, my forehead felt like it was drenched in sweat. 

My eyes continued scanning the room, looking for every detail I could find. My heart nearly did a back flip when I saw the most amazing detail of all. _Stan._ Leaning against the wall in the corner, holding a drink and sipping it every few seconds. He seemed to be doing the same thing I was, and he looked so damn good while doing so. His hair grew out slightly since I last saw him, he had faint eyeliner below his waterline, and he was basically drowning is a navy blue sweater I've never seen him in before. God, what a sight. I stared at him longer than I should of then decided to get up and make my way over to him. 

I leaned against the wall next to him, our shoulders bumped into each and I whispered, "I think I have a bit of a staring problem." 

Both of us were looking out at the party, from the corner of my eye I saw him grin.

He pushed himself off the wall and started to walk away, I followed a few steps behind. He walked out to the back yard, I stepped out next to him as he closed the back door. I looked around the yard, no one was out here. Stan took my hand an led me over to the corner of the patio, a place near no windows. We sat on the floor, he didn't let go of my hand. 

"Kyle, I missed you so much." He looked around the backyard. 

"I missed you too." I squeezed his hand. He turned to me and kissed me. 

He pulled away, "Be my New Year's kiss?" 

I nodded, "Um, yeah. . . of course. I've never had one so I'm glad you'll be my first." 

He smiled, "I've never had one either. God damn, I missed you. It was so cruel of the universe to pull us a part for nearly a month, especially after the night we had together." 

I smiled back, "Get out of my head! That's exactly what I thought." 

"Shut up, no way!" He laughed, putting his head on my shoulder. 

I hugged his waist, "Yes way! You ready for 1985?" 

He nodded against my shoulder, "It's gonna be our year, I can feel it." 

"Yeah?" 

"Yep." 

_Our year._

Something felt so good about that. _Our year._

"I've been thinking of getting another dog." Stan stated. 

"You had one?" I looked down at him, he was pulling at a thread of his sweater. 

"Yeah, his name was Sparky. He was my best friend growing up. I wanna have like, another dog to live out his legacy." He looked up at me. 

"That's kinda sweet." I kissed his forehead. 

"How much did you drink? You're like, almost too relaxed to be my Kyle, are you a body double?" Stan laughed, lifting his head off my shoulder. 

"No, no. It's you're Kyle," I laughed along, "I just, I mean. . . no one's gonna come outside it's nearly 30 degrees and the ball is about to drop in like..shit what time is it?" 

I checked my watched, it read 11:55. 

Stan leaned over and checked my watch, "Damn, time flies, huh?" 

I nodded, "In a few minutes it'll be the whole new year, can you believe it?" 

"No, I'm just happy I get to spend it with you, though." He kissed the corner of my mouth. 

I pulled him onto my lap, he moved himself into a straddling position. His hands explored my hair as mine went to his torso. 

Everything seemed perfect, the kiss was so intense, so deep. We kept pulling each other closer until it seemed almost impossible. Faint cheers and 'Happy New Year's' rang from inside the house, meaning the clock as struck midnight, and I was starting 1985 on a good note. _More_ than a good note. Even when the cheers from inside died down, Stan and I continued our actions. 

Stan pulled away to take a breath, "Kyle, I. . .I really like. . ." 

He cut himself off and continued to kiss me. His hands moved to my chest, mine moved to his lower back. 

"Kyle, I swear to fuck where are you- oh shit." Kenny came out back door, jaw dropped.

_He saw us._ That was my first thought. 

Stan got off me as quick as possible and turned his back, speed walking to a near by tree to hide behind. 

"Stan! Wh- fucking- fuck!" My attention instantly turned to Kenny, "Kenny, you can't tell a soul. I can explain, close the door dude or I swear to fucking- oh my God, this is it, I'm dead. I'm so fucking fucked I-" 

"Hey, hey, hey," Kenny closed the door and walked over, "Kyle, dude. Deep breaths, I keep telling you that you need a therapist or some shit." 

My body was shaking, I felt my mouth go dry. I threw up over in a bush, the world was spinning. No, not spinning. Crashing. 

"Kyle, hey, man. It's me, you're fine." Kenny sighed, "So was that the um, mystery. . .'chick'?" 

I hesitantly nodded, my chest felt like it was caving in on itself. I started to bawl my eyes out. Kenny hugged me. 

"Please, don't tell. Please." I hiccuped.

Kenny hugged me tighter, "I would never do that, man. How long have you um. . .felt this way?" 

My body wouldn't stop shaking. I cried out, "Forever." 

Kenny nodded, "It's okay. There's nothing wrong with it. Nothing at all, you know that right?"   
  


"Of course there's something wrong with it! I'm not a fucking idiot, Kenny! It's wrong! I'm wrong! I'm messed up because it just feels so good and perfect and it's not suppose-" I choked up, screaming into his arm. 

"It's not wrong, man. I have no reason to lie to you. Trust me, it's not wrong. Breathe, you're fine. . ." Kenny patted my back, "Can I, um, meet him?" 

I didn't respond for a minute, then I nodded. He probably already saw Stan anyways. Not probably, definitely. God, my brain felt like mush. 

"Let me go get him real quick. . ." Kenny let go of me and walked over to the tree Stan hid behind. 

I heard murmurs of their conversation, I wasn't able to fully make out anything they were actually saying. 

Kenny walked back over with Stan by his side. Stan looked like he had been crying too, which made my heart sink to my stomach. 

"I'm. . . I'm really really, sorry. . . Kyle." Stan choked. 

"Please don't be." I stood up, my knees almost gave out of me. I embraced him in a tight hug, "You have nothing to be sorry about, Stan." 

"Stan? Is it? I'm Kenny, I'm Kyle's buddy." Kenny nodded. 

Stan waved in response. 

"So," Kenny continued, "Is Stan like, your boyfriend?" 

I looked at Stan, hoping he would answer for me. Instead, his face just turned bright red as a small grin painted his lips. 

"Um, I don't really. . . know, I'm still kinda figuring myself so I was hoping labels could wait." I answered. Stan smiled at up at me. 

"Nice, man. Take your time, don't rush a good thing that you two clearly have." Kenny smirked. 

"So, you swear not to tell anyone? Not even Butter's?" I asked, nearly pleading. 

"My lips are sealed, my friend. As long as you don't tell anyone that I think Butter's ass looks super hot in literally any pair of pants, especially his gym shorts, then I'd say we're even. An eye for an eye, am I right?" Kenny put his hands in his coat pocket. 

"Whoa, hold up. You think-" 

Kenny cut me off, laughing, "That's a conversation for another day, pal. See ya next year! Or- shit wait it is next year um, see ya in a few days! Have fun with your mystery boy~" 

And with that Kenny walked back into the house, winking towards Stan and I as he closed the door behind him. 

We both sat there for a second, stunned at everything that had just happened. Stan laughed and looked up towards me, wiping away my left over tears from minutes ago. 

"So," He started, "I guess I'm back to the 'mystery' title now, huh?" 

I smiled towards him. 

"That was. . . a lot to handle at once." I sighed. He nodded in agreement. 

I continued, "But, it was a million times better than anything I expected." 

He nodded once again. 

"Happy New Year, Kyle." Stan gazed up at the stars. 

"Happy New Year, Stan." I glanced at the stars, then back at him. 

As the small section of galaxies reflected in his eyes a spark of hope grew in my heart. 

Maybe Stan was right. . . 

1985 was gonna be our year. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh!!! thank you all so much for the all the reads, likes, and kudos!! it makes me so happy to see that people are enjoying this! hopefully you enjoyed this chapter! 
> 
> ~ S <3


	12. Go For It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentines Day is in seventeen days. . .

**Kyle's POV**

It's always been hard for me to give my trust to someone. Giving a stranger trust just makes me feel vulnerable. It's an uncomfortable feeling to just _give_ a stranger my trust. I wish I could be like Kenny when it came to trust. He can meet anyone and just give them his will within a millisecond. Okay, maybe not exactly like him. Kenny claims that it's just this gut feeling, he either knows that he'll trust someone or not. That's what I want to have, that gut feeling. Butters was almost the same way as Kenny, he just had his guard slightly more up. Me on the other hand had a whole ass imaginary army built around me, ready to defend me at any minute. 

All that being said, you can imagine how weird it was for me meeting Stan. Something about him, his energy or whatever, it just pulled me in. I left a party with him just because he asked ' _So, are you coming?'_ That's all it took! And I was melting in his hands like putty! And I still am, and I'm melting more every day. One thing Stan is best at is opening your eyes. He makes you stand back and appreciate all the small details of the world. The world doesn't only seem brighter with Stan around, it seems bigger. It feels like there's so much more to explore and enjoy. 

Stan laid his head in my lap, propping his legs up on the couch. I kept my arms by my sides. We were in his basement watching what he claims to be 'the best movie he's seen yet', _The Rocky Horror Picture Show._ It actually isn't too bad, a little promiscuous for my liking but, Stan seemed to be loving every second of it. The plot seemed like a hit or miss, you either got it the first time or you didn't. Luckily for me, Stan seemed to know this movie like the back of his hand. 

I heard Stan start to mumble as the music play, "We climbed in the back seat, really had a good time. Hot patootie, bless my soul, really love that rock and roll~" 

I smiled down at him, he just kept mumbling the lyrics as the song played. 

"Isn't this movie bad ass?" He asked, turning his head to look up at me. 

I laughed, "Yeah, it's pretty bad ass." 

"Hope you don't have too much of a weak stomach." He winked.

He leaned into my knee, smiling. He returned his attention to the movie for the rest of the time, mumbling and humming every song until the end. I felt like I had to cover my eyes a few times. When the movie ended it was my cue to leave. Stan kissed my thigh before he got up and led me to the door, we said our goodbye's. 

As I was falling asleep I kept remembering the feeling of his lips on my thigh, my mind wondered what it would feel like if I didn't have my jeans on. Or if he kissed above my mid thigh. Before my thoughts got the best of me I fell asleep. 

The next day Kenny strolled up to me in the lunch line, cutting a few people behind us who were too busy to care. 

"Seventeen more days, whatcha plannin'?" Kenny asked, picking at a gap between his teeth. 

"Seventeen more days till what?" I raised an eyebrow at him. 

"V-day, the day most people lose their virginity's or cry because they gotta deal with right hand shame." Kenny laughed towards the end. 

"You mean Valentine's Day? Why is it such a big deal that it's in seventeen day?" I shrugged. 

"Because, you have someone to ya know. . .have fun with this year. Instead of your usual plans." Kenny sighed. 

I rolled my eyes, "Last time I checked, there's nothing wrong with babysitting on Valentines Day. I get paid for it too, for your information." 

Kenny laughed, "You're getting paid so people can go fuck around and make more babies than they already have!" 

"Dude, gross!" 

"It's the truth my friend, so, what are your plans this year?" He crossed his arms. 

"Probably just gonna babysit the Wilson's kids-" 

"Wrong! It's your last semester of high school, you got a cutie who clearly has the hots for you, and you're gonna go babysit the Wilson's kids? No, Kyle, as your best friend who is basically your brother at this point I will not let that slide." 

I groaned, "Dude, since when are you so invested in my romantic life?" 

Kenny placed a hand to his heart, "Ouch, I'm hurt. I always have been but, knowing all the shit I know now with your new sweetheart, I'm more invested than usual." 

"I'm not even in a relationship." I stated.

"You clearly wanna be, and- " Kenny leaned in and whispered, "He does too." 

I looked around self consciously, making sure no one heard. 

Kenny continued, "Go for it." 

_Go for it._ Like it was _that_ easy, it wasn't even _close_ to easy. 

"Go for what?" Butters popped up beside me. 

My breath hitched, "Good God, Butters you nearly gave me a heart attack." I held onto my chest, taking a long exhale. 

"Just to go forward in the line, c'mon Kyle. Go for it! You're holding up the lunch line!" Kenny covered for me. 

"Oh," Butters stepped forward with us, "Are you fellas excited for Valentines Day? I'm super excited, I keep seeing all the cute little treats around stores! It's so sweet!" 

"I'm excited, gonna try to impress a cute blonde." Kenny smirked. 

"That's so sweet, Kenny! Make sure Clyde doesn't find out, Bebe can be quite the blabber mouth." Butters smiled down at his hands. 

"Yeah, Bebe." Kenny laughed, giving me a look. 

"How about you, Kyle?" Butters smiled up at me. 

I nodded, "Um, just plans, I guess." 

Butters nodded back, "Cool! I'm still thinkin' of plans myself." 

The rest of the day went by quickly, before I knew it I was parked in my houses driveway. 

Kenny's voice kept ringing in my head, ** _Go for it._**

Would Stan even care about a holiday like Valentines Day? A part of me feels like he would think it's just a 'cash grab holiday' but, another part of me thinks he would be into the whole 'helpless romantic Valentines Day' thing. I walked into my room and tossed my backpack on the floor. I started pacing. God, damn Kenny for being right. I sighed into my hands. 

Why couldn't I just do this one simple thing? ** _Go for it._** Yet, I was able to do so many other things with him? ** _Go for it_ _._** It's like, every time an intimate or romantic situation pops up with Stan I choke. **_Just fucking- Go. For. It._ **It's like everything freezes and my stomach sinks but, I feel so so happy that I- _Ouch._

What the hell? 

"Oh shit! Kyle, I'm so sorry I thought the window was closed I didn't see the glare!" 

I looked up from my hands and saw Stan sat on his windowsill, legs crossed, and a hand full of jax and marbles. I turned my gaze to the floor and saw a lime green and navy blue marble aimlessly rolling around. I laughed a bit and turned back to Stan. 

"It's fine, I thought I had my window closed too, guess I forgot." I shrugged, walking over and leaning over my windowsill. 

"I'm still sorry, though. How was school, Juliet?" He laughed. 

"How come I have to be Juliet? Just cause you throw jax and marbles at my window every other day doesn't automatically make you Romeo!" I grinned. 

"Fine, I'll be Juliet," He tossed his jax and marbles from hand to hand, "Oh, Romeo~ How was thy day at schoolth?" 

I snorted, causing him to almost fall over in laughter. 

"Why, Juliet. It wasn't as shitty as a late winter's Monday could usually be." I laughed. 

"Good to hear." He shook his head and smiled at me, "You looked a bit stressed out in there though, ya know, before I accidentally hit you with a marble?"

"Sure, 'accidentally'" I cocked an eyebrow. 

"It was! I promise!" Stan's eyes started to widen with panic. 

"I know, I know, I'm just giving you a hard time." 

He smirked, "Jerk." 

I smirked back, "You're one to talk, you threw a marble at me." 

We both laughed.

Stan rested his head against the window frame, "Anyway, you good?" 

I nodded and sighed, "Yeah, people are going crazy over Valentines Day. Kenny kept bugging me with the topic during lunch." 

"How so?" 

"Just how like, I guess I should celebrate it differently? I dunno. I usually just babysit, which I'm fine with but, the way he put it makes sense. It's my senior year, I should at least have some fun? I guess." 

Stan just nodded, "Yeah, I mean, you deserve to have fun." 

"Do, um, have you ever celebrated, like, Valentines Day?" I asked. 

"Eh," He shrugged, "I mean it's cute but, why can't you show that love someone for all three hundred sixty-five days? Why does it have to be just one day where love is celebrated? And if you go into the history of it it's a bit fucked up." He laughed. 

"Yeah, I know what you mean, and it's always so, almost awkward? Because it feels like you're forced to do so many extravagant things on one specific day instead of any other day of the year." 

"Right!" He smiled, "Don't get me wrong, it's cute and everything it's just. . .like you said, it feels forced in some ways." 

"Yeah!" I sighed, "I'm so glad you agree, Kenny was saying I would have to do something like. . .ya know." 

"For me?" He blushed. 

I felt my face go red, "Well, yeah." 

"Oh, I mean," He smiled, "We can still do something but it doesn't have to be all like, Valentines Day-ish. We can have like an. . .Anti-Valentine yet, Semi-Valentines Day?" 

"How would that even work?" I smile. 

"We'll just have to wait and see." 

"An Anti-Valentine yet, Semi-Valentines Day?" I repeated. 

"Yep." Stan said, popping the 'p'. 

I nodded, "Sounds like a plan." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhh!!! thank you all so much for all the comments and kudos!!! sorry for taking a while to update, life has been kinda crazy lately! i'm gonna try to post again asap!!! again, thank you for all the support have an awesome day!! 
> 
> ~ S <3


	13. Semi-Anti-Valentine's Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i highly suggest listening to I'll Be Your Mirror by The Velvet Underground while reading this chapter :-)  
>  hope you enjoy! <3

**Kyle's POV**

Seventeen days went by quicker than expected. This years Valentine's Day landed on a Thursday, most people decided that they were gonna skip school. I was planning on going to school but, Kenny convinced me otherwise. He still thinks Stan and I are having a proper Valentine's Day, roses, chocolates, the generic shit. Stan described that our day is gonna probably be spontaneous. Our Anti-Valentine's yet, Semi-Valentine's Day. 

I'm usually the last one to leave the house in the morning, I just told my Ma I was going to school and staying the night with Butters afterwards to work on a project. She only allows me to stay the night places on school nights if it has to do with school work. 

Stan was suppose to get here in a few minutes to start our day, I was getting more excited by the minute. I went down downstairs to the living room and slumped on the couch. As I waited I started picking fuzz out of my dark brown sweater and placing them on my jeans, making small constellations until I heard a knock at my door. I shot up and wiped off the front of my jeans. Taking a deep breath, I walked to the door and was greeted by Stan. He was wearing a maroon turtle neck, tight fitted jeans, and a trench coat that was a bit over-sized. His face was completely clear, not even a smidgen of eyeliner, he looked so much better without it on. 

"Ready?" He smiled. 

"Ready." I nodded and grabbed my winter coat. We headed out to the car. 

Stan turned to me from the passenger seat, "Oh, I got ya something." 

I sighed, "Stan, you said we weren't gonna get each other stuff. Those were the rules you set, I would've gotten you something if-" 

"Well fuck my rules, it isn't even like a fancy romantic thing, just a gift." He reached into the inside of his trench coat and pulled out a book, "It's a journal. You seem like a journal guy." 

"Oh, thanks," I smiled, "Wait, what do you mean by I looked like a journal guy?" 

He sat the journal in my lap, "You just do, it's not a bad thing. Maybe I like my men to be journal guys." 

I started the car and backed out of the driveway, "Do you?" 

He laughed, "I dunno, do I?" 

I laughed and groaned, "I hate it when you do that, it always puts my brain in overdrive." 

He laughed and nudged my side. 

"So," I started, "First stop of the day?" 

"The mall." Stan said as he fiddled with the radio, I nodded. 

When we got to the mall we both got a milkshake and walked around. 

"Jeez, there's more faces being eaten at the food court than actual food." Stan laughed. 

I scoffed, "I know, right." 

_"No, bitch, I said a couple packets of of mayo not fucking one. Ugh, women."_

My eardrums rang as soon as I heard that fucking voice, Eric Fucking Cartman. 

Stan groaned, "That poor girl, what do people even see in him?" 

"Beats me, I think I recognize her from my science class, though. God, lend me one free punch at Cartman." 

Stan smirked, "Well, let me do you one better." 

Stan took my arm and hid us behind one of the pillars near Cartman's table in the food court. His date went off to get him more mayo, or whatever the hell that lard ass wanted. 

"Are you a fast runner?" Stan whispered. 

I nodded, "Kinda, I mean, I have long legs." 

"Lucky, I have short legs." He smiled. 

"Oh, well you don't look that short." I shrugged. 

"Well, ya know, I got a long torso and- wait, what do you mean not _that_ short?" 

"Well," I started, "You're shorter than me so~" 

"Wha- Aha, no. You're just freakishly tall, I'm basically average height." Stan sipped his milkshake. 

"Yeah, basically average height. . .for a short person." I smiled. 

He smiled back, biting on his straw, "You are being such a dick right now." 

I laughed back in response, he laughed along.

After calming down Stan continued, "Anyways, you said you were a fast runner?" 

"Yeah, wh-" Before I could even finish my sentence Stan started yelling. 

"Happy Valentines Day you sexist pig!" Stan screamed, chucking his milkshake right into Cartman's head, "Hope that helps bagging your face, ugly bastard!" 

I didn't even have the time to fully enjoy the look on Cartman's face. Stan grabbed my arm again and bolted towards the food courts exit. From what I saw of Cartman's face he was clueless and hanging onto his chair. We ran all the way to my car. Cartman wasn't chasing after us, I don't even think he could. 

"Go, go, go! Drive!" Stan was laughing. 

I sped out of the parking lot and started driving to no place in particular. Did that count as a hit and run? A _milkshake_ hit and run? On Eric fucking Cartman? Stan just preformed a fucking _milkshake hit and run_ on _Cartman._

I was smiling so wide that it was starting to hurt my face, "I fucking love that you um, did that. That was bad ass." 

Stan was quiet for a while before asking, "Picnic?" 

"Picnic?" I responded. 

"Yep, we can get Burger King or something and have a picnic." 

And that's what we did. After swinging by his house to pick up a blanket, we picked up two ten piece chicken nuggets with large fries. Then went to our local gas station to get some 100 Grand Bars, root beers, and Skittles. Stan told me to drive to a place a little past Stark's pond for more privacy. I ended up parking the car at the end of a dirt road on the other side of Stark's pond, the part that barely anyone went to nor knew about. 

"Now, we walk." Stan stated, jumping out of the car. He carried the blanket and gas station bags while I carried our food from Burger King. We probably walked a little less than ten minutes before we stopped at a small clearing with a stream cutting through. Stan spread the blanket out over the dewy grass and soiled covered pebbles. He sat down on the blanket and started getting our food out of the bag, I followed his lead. 

We sat in silence for a while, just listening to the stream and eating our food. 

"You know, I use to hang out with these 'goth' kids, before we met. Could you tell?" 

_Yes._ "No, not really." 

Stan nudged me and laughed lightly, "You're the worst liar." 

"Yeah, I know." I nudged back, grinning. 

"They felt less goth and more like punk stoners if I'm being completely honest. There was only one guy who was the most 'goth' but, I think he's just like, super pissed that the world even exists." He sighed, "I used to be pissed that the world existed, too. Like, so pissed. They all wore make up and junk on their face to 'reflect what they felt inside' or 'not stick in with the norm'. I mean, I technically already wasn't the norm and all that so, I hung out with them for a while. Make up was cool, I guess. Took too much time though, and didn't really help my situation. I don't think I'm like a lot of the gay guys here and it makes me feel weird. They're either openly flamboyant and live on the other side of town or super dark, secretive, and aggressive. Everyone just, feels like they're suppose to have a box they fit into, like some social standard that they absolutely have to fit into. I don't think I have a box but, if I did I think. . . you'd be my box, in a way. I just feel comfortable and safe with you. I don't have to have this kind of um, persona or whatever to get you to even talk to me. I really feel like myself when I'm with you. I don't know where I'm going with this but, just- thank you." 

I stared at Stan for a second, "Um, you're welcome- wait, no. Thank _you,_ actually. I use to think that um, I'd live my life all robotic and shit. Doing everything by the book but, I really feel happy now. Like genuinely happy, the sort of happiness I haven't felt since I was a kid. I mean, not even my close friends could get me out of the house as much as you do. You just kinda, I dunno, you pull me like a magnetic and I like it. . . a lot." 

Stan sighed, "Well, I like you. . .a lot." 

"I like you, too." I hugged my shoulders. 

"A lot?" He smirked. 

I laughed, "Yeah, a lot." 

"Damn, this got sappy for a Anti-Valentine's yet, Semi-Valentine's Day, huh?" Stan grinned. 

"Well, it's still Semi-Valentine's Day, technically."

"Technically," Stan hummed, "Let's head back to my place." 

We drove back to Stan's place and headed up to his bedroom. He locked the door, closed the blinds, and turned off the lights. I heard the low buzz of his radio turning on. Stan took my hand and laid me down on the bed, hugging my shoulders. 

_**I'll be your mirror** _

_**Reflect what you are, in case you don't know** _

_**I'll be the wind, the rain and the sunset** _

_**The light on your door to show that you're home** _

Making out with Stan was other worldly, I couldn't even put into words how right it made me feel. 

Stan pulled away, smiling, "You know this song?" 

I just shook my head, he laughed, "Your lips look all red."

I ended our mini conversation with another kiss. 

_**When you think the night has seen your mind** _

_**That inside you're twisted and unkind** _

_**Let me stand and show that you are blind** _

_**Please put down your hands** _

_**'Cause I can see you** _

**_I find it hard to believe that you don't know, the beauty you are_ **

**_But if you don't let me be your eyes_ **

**_A hand to your darkness, so you won't be afraid_ **

**_When you think the night has seen your mind_ **

**_That inside you're twisted and unkind_ **

**_Let me stand and show that you are blind_ **

**_Please let out your hands_ **

**_'Cause I see you_ **

"Happy Anti-Valentine's yet, Semi-Valentine's Day, Kyle." Stan smiled, resting his forehead against mine.

I hugged tighter, "Happy Anti-Valentine's yet, Semi-Valentine's Day, Stan." 

Stan laughed lowly, closing his eyes. 

**_I'll be your mirror_ **

**_I'll be your mirror_ **

**_I'll be your mirror_ **

**_I'll be your mirror_ **

"Oh, and by the way," I smiled, "You look so much better without the makeup."   
  
  


He hid his face in my shoulder, "I feel better but, I think that's 'cause I'm with you most the time." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first off, thank you so much for over 1,000 hits!!! that's so crazy!!!! thank you so much!! second off, i am so so so so sorry for not updating sooner, a lot of stuff has been happening personally and my brain needed a break but, i'm back!! thank you all for the support with this fic, it truly means a lot!!! hopefully you liked this chapter!! kudos and comments are always appreciated :-) 
> 
> ~ S <3


	14. Because A Guy

**Kyle's POV**

"College?!" 

"New York?!" 

I sighed and turned in my desk chair, looking between Kenny and Butters from where they sat on my bed, "Yes, and yes." 

"Why New York? Why so far away?" Butters frowned. 

"Yeah! And why even college! Fuck that shit, man! We were suppose to go backpacking together! Move to Canada or some shit." Kenny crossed his arms. 

"You know I couldn't do that even if I wanted to, I think New York will be good for me. Aren't you guys suppose to be happy for me? I got a fucking scholarship too!" I exclaimed. 

"Well, we sure are happy for you it's just. . ." Butters sighed, looking down. 

Kenny wrapped an arm around Butters shoulders, "He's trying to say that it's gonna be a huge ass adjustment without you here." 

Butters nodded, "Yeah, what Ken said. We've all just been pals for so long, ya know?" 

I frowned, "Yeah, I know. I'm gonna miss you guys tons, trust me. I just- I really need to do this. I really like this school and so does my Ma, my aunt lives an hour away from campus." 

"Ahh, okay I get it now." Kenny huffed. 

"Yeah, thank you. It's just the best option for me." I nodded, clapping my hands together. 

"For you," Kenny sighed, "or for Mrs. B?" 

I groaned, "Kenny, it's good for me and the best option in my life right now." 

"Best option for you? Or for Mrs. B?" Kenny sighed, tilting his head. 

"For me!! Damnit, what happened to you guys being happy for me like, two seconds ago?" 

"We're still happy for you, man. It's just, we also know your mom just- persuades you into decisions easily and it's ended in some. . .pretty heavy situations." Kenny looked towards Butters. 

"Y-Yeah," Butters spoke up, "Like that one time your mom kept bugging you about your C in math class and you ended up over working yourself to the point were didn't talk to us for about 3 months. . ." 

I crossed my arms, "That's- that was stupid of me and isn't gonna happen again. My ma loves me and is just looking out for me." 

"We aren't saying that she doesn't love you she just, gets a bit much sometimes." Kenny shrugged, "Listen dude, I gotta get to work at the roller rink before they fire me for being late for the millionth time. Butters, ya coming with?" 

"Yep, I'll just skate until ya close the place up." Butters nodded. 

We all gave each other a quick goodbye, but before Kenny walked out the door he grabbed me by the shoulder. 

"And tell that guy, okay?" He patted my shoulder and walked off. 

Shit, I had to tell Stan. 

I walked to my window, opening it, and then started tossing left over jax and marble's that Stan's accidently thrown into my room.

After a few throws Stan's opened his window and flashed his signature smile at me. 

"Hey, it's been a few days." 

I nodded, "Yeah, um. . .we need to talk about something." 

"Okay, then let's talk." He said, resting his elbows on the window frame. 

"Um, you can actually come over. My parents are out right now, so. . ." 

"Oh," He sat up, "Yeah, totally. Be there in a second." 

A few minutes later I heard Stan knock on my front door, after I opened the door we headed straight up to my room. 

"So, you wanted to talk?" He smiled, laying on my bed.

"Yeah, um. . ." I froze and stared out the window, "I don't know how to say this." 

"Kyle, you can say it I promise. You know I'd never be upset or anything." Stan sat up, "Whatever it is, lay it on me." 

"I'm," I turned to look at him, "Stan, I'm going to college." 

"Hell, that was a given. You're ridiculously smart." He chuckled. 

"It's in New York. . ." I held my hands together. 

"Oh," I watched the realization slowly hit him, "Oh, um. . .well, that doesn't mean we can't still talk and stuff. We can be pen pals, or whatever." 

I nodded. Good God, this shouldn't be this hard but, it is. My chest hurt, it felt like I was losing something, like life was about to crumble. Stan got up and hugged me tight, like he knew I was crumbling and was trying to keep me from doing so. 

"And I'll visit you, Kyle. I- I'll seriously do whatever I need to just to see you because I'm. . ." Stan pulled away and held onto my shoulders, "I'm pretty sure I love you, Kyle."

He exhaled softly, staring me dead in the eyes with such a careful expression. 

"Kyle! I'm back! Can I see you for a second?!" I heard my ma yell from downstairs. 

Shit. _Shit._

"Um, you gotta go, Stan. Sorry, thanks for talking." I panicked and grabbed his wrist then started to lead him downstairs, praying that my mother wasn't in the living room so Stan could leave without any questions. 

Sadly, the universe wasn't on my side today. My ma turned to us, eyes slightly widened. 

"Bubbeh, I didn't know you had friends over." My ma crossed her arms. 

"Didn't plan on it, sorry Ma. He's leaving now, bye Stan." I opened the front door for him. 

Stan stared at me for a few seconds before nodding his head and giving a quiet, "Bye, Kyle." 

"So," I turned back towards my ma, "What'd you need for me?" 

"Just wanted to discuss what classes would be best to take first semester is all but, we can do that later when your father gets back home I suppose." She sighed. 

"Alright, Ma. Just let me know when." 

As I started to walk up the stairs she spoke again, "Oh and Kyle, that boy Stan you're hanging out with, The Marsh's son, well. . .I've heard things of him being gay and I just- for your safety I think it's best for you to distance yourself some from him. I've heard a lot of things about those type of people and some of the thing's they do or what could happened to them and I just don't want anything bad happening to you or being put on you, ya know?" 

I nodded, "Yeah, sounds . . .um, I understand, Ma." 

I finished my walk up to my room and locked the door, staring at my window. Thinking about Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band, counting stars, and jax and marbles. Thinking about how months ago I let myself get so out of control that I gave in and kissed a _guy._ That I started liking a _guy._ That I skipped homecoming to dance in a basement with a _guy._ That I've spent Valentine's Day with a _guy._ That I've been out with a _guy._ That I've made out with a _guy._ That I've lost sleep over a _guy._ That my heart beats faster than it ever has before because of a _guy._ That rumors could get started about _me_ because of a fucking _guy._

**_"I'm pretty sure I love you, Kyle."_ **

I'm fucked up, and all because of a **_guy._**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holllyyy shit, i am so so sorry for the long wait!!! i've been experiencing the absolute hell that is college/covid. buttt, i should being updating more now because i've decided to take a gap semester. but still, i am so sorry. 
> 
> buttttt, ahhh!!! the story is picking upppp, new chapters to come in the future and i'm excited to share it with you all!!!   
> ( also did you guys see the pandemic special?? my boy stan had me cRYINGGG) 
> 
> thank you so much for reading, kudos and comments are always appreciated. have an awesomeeeee sauce day!!! 
> 
> ~ S <3


	15. Four Months

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyle moved to college 4 months ago and Stan isn't dealing with it well.

**Stan's POV**

It's been four months since I've seen Kyle. I got to go to his high school graduation and watch him walk the stage, he looked so handsome doing so. He even gave a speech to his whole graduating class about the importance of being independent. While he gave his speech he caught my eye in the crowd, I wasn't graduating of course. If I was graduating with Kyle I would've kissed him while everyone was distracted throwing their caps in the air. That would probably be my only reason for graduating. 

A few hours after the graduation ceremony Kyle came over to my house, it was pretty unusual that he came over without a heads up. We headed up to my room and he told me how he saw me in the audience. I told him how I would've kissed him while no one was watching if I was graduating next to him. He responded back by kissing me. Then kissing turned into groping and groping turned into taking our clothes off and taking our clothes off turned into us having sex for hours. When we finished Kyle curled into my side and just cried, he told me he loved me. 

He loved me back . . . 

And then he told me the story of how we met, as story I knew just as well. And then he told me how he thought I was a little stupid until he got to know me. He told me I had a beautiful soul and a beautiful body. He also said he was sorry and that it hurt that he had to leave. Right after he said that he got up, got dressed, and left my house. I told him I loved him again but he slammed my bedroom door shut and left. So I just stared at the door, laying down naked, sticky, and alone. I thought about how gently he treated me, how much he seemed to truly care. God, if I could marry him right now I would, I know I can't. It hurts that I can't. It hurts so so fucking badly. 

It feels like I haven't moved for four months, even though I have. I found out his apartments address, thanks to his friend Kenny, and sent him letters just letting him know that I hope he was doing okay. And everyday at the end of the day I'd lay in my bed and stare at my door. Thinking about how intimate our last interaction was, thinking about how I would've kissed him as graduation caps flew, thinking how we'd spend the rest of our days together like we did the last night I saw him. Oh my god, I'm so terribly love sick. And those thoughts would just continue to run around my head until I finally gave into sleep. 

The next day I woke up with my usual feeling of heart ache and joy. Heart ache, because Kyle, and joy also because Kyle. There was just one thing that was a little off, a new emotion. Determination. I don't know what was exactly different about today. Maybe because the feeling of Kyle's lips were slowly fading off my own, maybe it was because I heard a sad commercial on the radio. I wasn't exactly sure but, something was definitely different about today to make me so determined. 

I walked over to the roller rink and headed straight to the front desk. 

"Hi- oh shit wait! Hey Stan, how's it hanging." Kenny smiled. 

"Hey, um, so I know we don't really, um, talk? Much, I guess? Anyways, I think I need to go to New York." I mumbled. 

"New York?" He raised an eyebrow. 

"Yes." 

"Aha, how the hell are you gonna do that?" Kenny leaned over on the counter, "Not that I'm not like, discouraging you or anything. I mean, fuck it, you totally should go. Maybe you'll get your man to finally talk to a living soul in South Park again, he's basically acting like no one in this place exist right now. Everyone but his mother, probably." 

I nodded, "Yeah, I um, I haven't heard anything from him yet but I'm positive he's just busy." 

"Hey, here's to hoping. So how're you gonna get there? Hitch hiking? Bus? Travel via foot?" Kenny smiled, picking at his teeth. 

"I think I have enough money to get a one way bus ticket." I grinned. 

Kenny looked left to right, and then behind him then back at me, "See that tip jar in the corner?" 

I looked at the jar full of money propped up in the corner. 

Kenny grabbed all the money out of it and put it in my hands, "I'm about to get fired anyways, so just take that cash and book it to the big apple." 

"Wha- well, thank you, wait- about to get fired?" 

"Kenny Mccormick!!!" A voice boomed from the back. 

"That's my cue to find a new job!" Kenny laughed, "Now go! And give Kyle this from me and Butters!" 

Kenny leaned over the counter, kissed me on the cheek, lightly smacked it and pushed my shoulders back. I smiled and ran out. 

This is it. I get to see Kyle after what felt like a lifetime! Four months of waiting really paid off. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i. am. so. so. sorry. for the late update i cannot express how sorry i ammmm, life is just crazy sometimes ya know. but i'm happy to get a new chapter out!!! thank you for reading!! this story is just getting started! if you have any suggestions let me know!!! 
> 
> ~ S <3

**Author's Note:**

> ahhh! i hope you all enjoyed! i havent written anything with my fandoms in years but I'm so happy I started again! If you have any suggestions let me know! ~ S <3


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